When You Have to Focus on Your Own Well Being Because Those Closest to You Won't Take Care of Themselves/Trying Not to Be Codependent

     I guess my title says it all.  Some people go to alanon if they love someone who has an addiction, and the idea is to focus on oneself, not the other person, just for today.
     However, although some people do not realize it, it is a good place for people with someone close to them, or in their care, in their family, who has a mental illness for which they do not always comply with treatment for.  I honestly am in that situation right now, and I have been nagging this person, and that is of course doing no good.
     Sometimes, as hard as it is, you have to watch a person hit bottom again and again, and you do not know what to do, because you cannot walk away, or send them away, but you do not have the support you need, for yourself or the other person.
     I have never really understood alanon, never liked it much.  I mean I get it, but having been in the other rooms, I do not understand what the chip system in alanon is about.  Now I am not in any rooms, except my bedroom, blogging, facebooking, and reading via talking books for the blind.
     But, seriously it is really hard to be in this situation, because on one hand you need to mind your own business, be detached, but on the other hand, you feel like a bomb is ticking, and it is not going to be good, the same thing expecting different results.
     I tried to get into a support group for parents with kids with a psychological issue, but it did not include parents of adult children.  I have two grown sons, and one has some issues.  We all do, but some are very treatable, even though they are the most severe.  What I am saying is the most serious of mental illnesses, are sometimes, although the worst in symptoms, the easiest and simplest to treat, in their simple straight forwardness, and the nature and progressiveness of modern medications, which are without serious side effects now, and very safe, as well as life saving.  The problem is that a person can get an idea in their head, that they do not need their medication any longer, but this is a fallacy, a delusion, a misperception, perhaps brought on by the influence of someone, a peer, a sibling, a neighbor, I am not sure, just that this will not work.
     So, like the alanon people always say, I should focus on me.  It is hard to focus on me though, if someone in my life becomes seriously ill.  That does have an effect on you, so my only choice is to intervene somehow.
     Some people do tough love, but my heart is too soft for that.  I cannot put someone in my own family in an inhumane situation, like making them out on their own.  I guess you can reach out for medical help, which I have done.
     I guess my point is that, if I become all unhinged about it, and getting really upset, then I will be being codependent, by letting it effect me in this way.
     I wish I knew more people in the same situation.  I know they are out there, for sure, and my situation is not unique.  In fact, it is more common than one might think.  I guess, what will be, will be.