Abusive Relationships/ Emotional and/ or Physical/ How Does One Get into Them, and How Does One Stay or Get Out of Them?

     As I have mentioned in other blogs, like many other women, and men sometimes as well, have had to walk away from an abusive relationship.
     When I first started blogging, I intended way back when, to write only on this subject, which many bloggers do stay on topic.  However, my interests as vast as they are, there were so many other things, I wanted to discuss in my writing.  My novel even came about, on the other blog I have, thenewhumnitylives.blogspot.com.
     It is best not to get into an abusive relationship, to begin with.  However, people do not start abusing you on the first few dates, so you can get hooked on someone, when they put their best foot forward, or you like something about them, their looks, how they are when they are nice, the sex, you name it.  But, some of these are shallow reasons, and I admit I have fallen for some of these, but once you get full blown involved, getting uninvolved is kind of hard sometimes.
     Here are warning signs: 1) isolating you, telling you your friends are not real friends, 2) constant accusations of infidelity, 3) belittling, even if it is supposed to be humorous, 4) inappropriate sexual behavior, and I mean what is inappropriate on your own compass, 5) extreme jealousy,  6) invasion of your privacy, phone, social networks, email and/ or snail mail, 7) constant lecturing, 8) pushing, shoving, hitting, choking, or any type of inappropriate putting hands upon, 9) rule making, ex: you are told not to talk to anyone of the opposite sex, ever, or not to talk to the neighbors, period, while they are at work, 10) if you have a child or children, treating your children badly, such as put downs, calling them fat or stupid, 11) taking money from you, or demanding that you give them your money, because you supposedly, according to them, owe them, 12) constant talk about other women or men, in terms of preference to you, 13) leaving you again and again, expecting you to let them back into your life, after having had sex with someone else.  In this day and age, no one needs that.
     Some say the past does not matter.  Some say we learn from it.  Some say forget it, but if you keep experiencing abuse in relationships, there may be an underlying issue.  I did, and I still have not gotten to the bottom of it, except that perhaps I once had low self esteem, convoluted ideas, and codependency, fear of abandonment, at any cost.
     Finally, a person may just give up, which is unfortunate, but better than being treated badly, in my estimation.  Romantic love is not the be all and end all, but if you find someone you truly love, that is a wonderful thing.
     I love seeing pictures on Facebook of my son and his girlfriend, and I can see the love they share, and the inclusion of her daughter, whom he loves as well.
      But, back to the bad stuff, the last time a man put his hands on me, in a violent way, and verbally abused me, because he was drunk, I bailed, and I never looked back.  God did for me what I could not do for myself.  I gave no second chances.  He called, and said, "are we over?," and I said clearly, "yes."
      The old me might not have been as strong, or as wise, but I was older, and more mature, and finally loved and respected myself, and like I said, God did for me what I could not do for myself.  I think I was actually afraid of him, as well, at that point, and rightly so.
     It is never good to make another person, one's Higher Power, and yet we often do. No matter how much you love someone, I think it is good to love yourself and God, just a little more.  Of course essentially, we are all a part of God, but we can only have one Higher Power, which cannot be a human being.  It just does not work that way, and everyone knows it.
     That was not the only time that I had to walk away.  Sometimes it is hard.  Sometimes it is not graceful.  In fact, it never is, but you can keep your dignity, which others can try to steal.  Nothing is more painful in my mind, than feeling that I have lost dignity, feeling humiliated, and it is really hard to deal with.
     So, no matter how long it takes, or how crazily, for you to get away, in the end, you win when you do, because you saved yourself.  If you can keep yourself together and whole, in the end, you win. Even if they move on to make someone else miserable, even if unfairly not as miserable as they made you, you are the lucky one, because you don't have to be treated like dirt anymore.  That is when you are free.  
     If you read my silly blog, the other day, about the guy..., I will say that I had a really hard time getting away from him.  And, in the end, I was all over the map, having a full blown nervous breakdown, trying to free myself.  Just the ring of the telephone made me a wreck, because I answered it, the relentless trying to talk me into a reconciliation, that my heart of hearts, did not want, but I felt so much conflict, guilt and confusion.  So, looking back, I would have not answered the phone at all, and finally I guess it took truly falling in love with someone else, for me to say, "do not call me anymore.  I am in love with..."  That was the truth, my truth, and it took what it took.  The consequences, and the toll that relationship took on me, were intense, but I will say that I am happy now, and I am well and strong.