Usually, after I have had my morning coffee, I come up with ideas to write about. Today, I was scheming a short story, but I will not give it away, before it is even begun. I was going over the particulars, however, when a family argument ensued.
My back hurts, and I took ibuprofen for it, but it hasn't fully kicked in. It is my lower back, almost the tail bone.
Life seems so depressing today, due to circumstance, and the only thing I look forward to today, is a town hall meeting via telephone, tonight.
I just feel really burdened sometimes, and no one appreciates me. I work really hard, cleaning and cooking, doing laundry, keeping stocked on things, but I get told I live a life of leisure. Yes, I know I like imaginary yoga poses, like 'limp dishrag,' and 'waterfall,' not to mention 'reclining goddess,' lol, but I almost cried today. I am a fifty-one year old, with no savings account, no husband, two grown kids at home, and all I own is a two bedroom, one bathroom mobile home, and an ancient gulf cart. I suppose I should be happy to own anything, at all, but the AC is going, I am pretty sure, and there is no back up money, so I am in a quandary, but I suppose all is okay for now, so long as I do not heat up the oven on a really hot day, like I did yesterday, to prepare flounder for dinner.
For comic relief, I can tell you a part of why I am not married. I have had a few boyfriends, since my divorce, but everyone of them, for the most part, were not suitable. They were all abusive in one way or another, and I know that is not funny, but it is ridiculous, on my part, that I stayed for four years with an Australian guy, who called me feeble minded, an imbecile, peculiar looking and fat. Well, I may be all those things, but I am not fat. But, why would I be with someone like that?
Not to mention, I had to support the jerk, and I shouldn't have, but no one would help me to see clearly, or help me get out of the situation. I had no support really. My dad said, "he just wants a flop house," and my dad's friend and I just giggled, and laughed our heads off. I had never heard that term before. It sounded so funny, especially coming from my father.
Another funny thing happened one evening. My father, the same friend as above, and myself were at Shenanigan's, which used to be a local bar, that had great drink prices on really good brands, which were actually their happy hour, house brands, such as Maker's Mark and Beefeaters. Anyhow, we were there drinking martinis, and this guy, same guy, comes in with another guy, looked right at us, and sat down at the bar. We were broken up, because he was trying to find a new girlfriend at the Meher Baba Center (how spiritual), as usual. Well, long story short, I went over to the bar. We were sitting at a table, and when I went over there, which my father did not want me to do, a row began between he and I. I was about ready to ring his neck. The bartender told the two men to leave. My father said, once I returned to the table, "he'll be sorry some day," and he was right, but I do not think he was sorry for losing me, just sorry about losing his meal ticket, or life raft, for lack of a better word. There comes a time when opportunistic freeloaders, have no where left to go, except to hell, maybe. Of course, some woman as idiotic as me, if not more, may take him in as well, and he can ruin her life too, and her kids' lives, just like he did his ex-wife's and mine, our own and our kids.'
So, now when I have dated, I find red flags really fast. I haven't met any freeloaders like that since. It is not normal for a man to be that way. Men like to provide for women and children, to an extent, if they are normal. Only a freak like that would leach off someone.
It seems like every man I meet, is hung up on someone else, either an ex-wife or an ex-girlfriend, and once that talk starts, there is no point in continuation of anything. I mean what is the point in hanging out with me, if he just wants to talk about her all the time? How rude!!!
Well, life truly sucks, and that is all I know. I really don't care. Life is not about winning, it's just about living, or at least that is what actor, Joe Montaigne's character, Agent David Rossi, says on Criminal Minds, my favorite TV show. He is totally hot. All the guys, and the women, on that show are hot, but I like him and Agent Gideon best, because they are old, and so am I.
I suppose that is why I like Landslide so much, 'can I handle the seasons of my life?, I don't know...time makes you bolder, children, get older, and I'm getting older too...' Stevie Nicks.
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