I Had the Weirdest Dream

     I woke up around 8:48, turned on the bed side lamp, looked at my low vision watch, and went back to sleep.  It is very dark in my room, because I keep a black cloth behind the curtains, so the morning sun will not bother me.  I do not know if I will ever change this habit, but for now if works for me.  Some day I might be in a state of mind, not that I am unhappy or anything, where I might want sun coming in my bedroom windows.  I am just not at that place now.
     I fell back asleep.  I dreamed I was in Boston, and I wanted to go to Canada, and I bought a bus ticket, but the ticket was not specific, as to destination, just said, two hours north, which I guess would take you to the middle of New Hampshire, where a good bit of my novel takes place, where my ex husband is from, and I have spent some time in my life, but I did not know that until I looked at a globe today, and then realized it was much farther to Montreal, so I looked it up on line, and it said it took six and a half hours to drive from Boston to Montreal.  It is much farther than I thought.  
     I do not even know if buses can just cross the border like that, probably not.*  {Wrong again.}  I will research that as well, but I would think, since buses make stops, it would take much longer by bus, so perhaps subconsciously, I wanted to go to New Hampshire, where some of my novel takes place.  Vermont, where most of my novel takes place, and where I went to music camp as a teenager, is west of New Hampshire, but both border Canada.  Both states are just south of Canada.
     Before getting on the bus, I showed my ticket to an official.  He shook his head, and said my ticket was invalid.  In actuality, I realize now, that two hours north of Boston, does not get you anywhere near Canada, but like I said, the middle of New Hampshire.  Maine extends way up north, as far north as Canada, Canada's eastern border with Maine, Maine's western border with Canada.   
In my dream, I thought this two hour ticket, would get me well into Canada, but I was wrong.  I was ignorant of the actual geography, until now, anyway.
     I said, "well, when I get there, I'll just get another ticket to where I am actually going."
     He shook his head, no, again.  "You won't have any money when you get there."
     I got on the bus, anyway, but the driver would not answer any questions.  There were people on the bus, but they would not talk to me.  I took a seat.  It was as if I were invisible.
     I felt alone and scared.  I took my cell phone out of my pocketbook, to call a friend, a family member, but my phone had no service.  
     I woke up, whimpering out loud, and crying out, practically in tears.  I turned on the light, by my bed, and went back to sleep, assured it was only a dream.  I slept until 11:00, and I really did not feel upset anymore.
     I just wonder what my dream was about, perhaps loneliness, lack of direction, being unable to really communicate, isolation, feeling invisible, financial insecurity, wanting to travel, but feeling unable to, perhaps even dying.  I will look it up in the dream moods dictionary, but there were so many different things.  Perhaps, if I put them altogether, and analyze it, I will get the answer.  I have not woken up crying, in a long time like that, and I have been relatively happy.
     I will admit, though, that I have had some wishes to do things, that I feel for one reason or another, I am unable to, and it is usually about money, lack of a companion, and or my vision.  I have wanted to take a vacation, get some resolve about my book, some resolve about my music, besides just being a fifty-one year old has been, who never made it and never will, because she/I just lacked something, it, or maybe just circumstance, directions in life, lack of the right audience at times, and just plain old karma.  I have wanted more financial freedom, to do more of what I want.  I have wanted more freedom, that my vision problem will not permit.  So, in a sense, I know full well what it is about, and at times I feel I have no one to depend on ever, so this is what that 'no cell phone service,' is about.  As far as Canada goes, I think it represents escaping something, feeling trapped.  Draft dodgers used to go to Canada, to escape the draft, and truthfully I have never been, nor wanted to go, although it is said to be beautiful, but I do not like the cold and snow much.  I like the south.
     Well, I will look into it.  Whenever I have tried to talk to a counselor, in recent years, they tell me I do not need one, but truthfully, everyone needs someone they can really talk to.

*I researched it, and you can take a bus from the United States to Canada.