A Silly Notion I Had About Love

     For a long time I had this silly notion that the more sorry someone felt for me, the more they 'loved me.'  I realize equating pity with love is ridiculous.  But, I had a friend who got boyfriends that way, and it never worked for me.  I am legally blind, but guys never feel sorry for me, and I am not sure if they do not want to 'rescue me' or if I just never let them. Maybe I do not need to be rescued.  I shared this at my old Course in Miracles class down in Surfside Beach which I miss.  I said it right out loud.
     "I have a friend who has always gotten the guys to feel sorry for her, even cry and thus fall in love with her.  No one I ever date ever feels sorry for me, no matter how sad I make my life sound."  
     My teacher said, "I like your guys better.  They sound healthier."  Everyone laughed, and I am laughing right now, just remembering this.  I have always been a bit outspoken and overly candid, but people like that about me.  I mean, some do.  I am sure some find me extremely annoying.  
     In fact I have been wanting to tell all my fb friends and blog readers, "I love and appreciate you, for staying my friends even when I have been a badly behaved, not very nice person sometimes."  I almost feel like even though I do not know a lot of you, you have some sort of unconditional love for me, or maybe I am kidding myself.  You may just be tolerant of me, but I have said hurtful things, and I am sorry.  I realize some people are probably technically friends, but blocking anything I post, but I will not dwell on negativity or who does not like me on a rare day like this when I actually feel happy and a sense of well being without alcohol, a false sense of well being like it says on the warning on prescription medications.  I always thought that was funny.  Warning: this drug may cause a false sense of well being, use caution when operating heavy machinery, etc..  OMG!  God forbid, I have a false sense of well being.  It's false!  I cannot possibly be OK!
     Back to the pity thing.  I really did believe that.  I wanted to be felt sorry for.  That is stupid, I know.  Now I see it is ridiculous.