I have had a lot of experience and want to share the signs of a bad or toxic relationship. 1) If you are in a relationship where there is 'one-up-manship' meaning that someone has power over you, your life, who your friends are and keeps you in fear in some way of losing them or their love, 2) if the person you are with wants you to change your political or religious views to suit them or puts yours down, 3) if you find that you have no energy for other things because your relationship is taking everything you have in terms of energy to sustain it, 4) if your significant other does not respect your boundaries or privacy or gives you the constant third degree and little to no trust, 5) if your loved one has family that is judging you with no reason and they are holding this against you, 6) when you cannot be yourself and constantly try to be who someone else wants you to be to make him or her happy, 7) if you are feeling insecure about their love for you, because they make ultimatums, 8) if you have no time for others in your life, 9) if the person you are with does not love your children if you have them, and 10) if you are feeling less than or uncertain about your normal everyday habits that always seemed alright to you before.
I am not saying that one should not try to be a better man or woman or stretch from one's comfort zone, but to completely reinvent oneself or try to to be accepted by another person is outrageous. I have done it. I hate to admit it. I have starved myself to ninety-five pounds to please a guy who wanted me skinny. That is not healthy. I have worn long dresses and spoke softly to please another. I acted like a Stepford wife to please my husband. I realize this is my bad, my shortcoming, my mishandling and my own failure to empower myself. I guess now that I am fifty-one years old, I have experienced enough to know what love is and what love is not.
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