Everything on My Mind/ Stream of Consciousness

     I am realizing that I need to be on the computer less, because my depth perception is getting way worse.  I find it is hard to stay off the computer, even though I should.  I guess I could write by recording into a computer or get an old fashioned type writer and have someone read it back to me, because print is too hard with tunnel vision, unless it is just a few words very close without glasses, because I am so nearsighted in my one eye that I have vision at all out of.
     I did not want to write a blog about my eye problem, or to whine.  I wanted to talk about organization skills.  I realize I need to do less blogging for my eyes' sake and more practicing music, even though I do not have many opportunities to perform.
      Oh yes, there is always listening to talking books which I am burned out on and listening to TV with my eyes closed.  Listening to music makes me sorrowful at times and often if it touches me makes me cry.
      Everyone has many things to do and take care of, like cleaning the house, taking care of pets, taking care of kids if you have them which mine are grown now, paying bills and organizing things from household supplies to  work.
     What I do, is plan the week ahead, make lists on legal paper with twenty twenty pens of phone calls to make, activities, classes, social events, errands and other things to be done.  I wonder why all this stresses me sometimes.  I mean, since I do not work so to speak it would seem that I could manage my time better and here I am writing a blog about organization.  I did plant a daffodil my friend Kathy gave me in the ground today, a minor accomplishment.  And I am getting the laundry done.  I wanted to bring the great garlic chicken I made to a friend who is sick but I could not reach him on the phone, so I ended up bringing him peppermint tea instead which I could always leave on a door knob, since it is not perishable.
     I guess I am in one of my nobody loves me, I'm useless kind of self deprecating kind of moods, because my kids do not need me like they used to.  I should be glad, but I guess I am co-dependent, since it actually means being dependent on someone's dependence literally, and I suppose it is a sort of withdrawal, withdrawing from being depended upon.  Weird.  
      I have been told I am too introspective.  Is that just another way of saying I think about my self too much or a nice way of saying self-seeking, selfish and self-centered?
     I think that when the Course in Miracles talks about judgment, it is talking a lot about self-judgment.  We all judge other people, but most people judge themselves most harshly and have times of feeling less than, not a part of, etc..  I believe that in eastern terminology, Hindu terminology, these are called malas.  When I was at the Commission for the Blind, I took a yoga class at City Yoga near the university.  My teacher (it was ashtanga) used to talk frequently about such things as well as the goddesses such as Shakti the beautiful kundalini goddess and Kali, the bleeding mouth goddess of the kaliuga as in the kaliuga age which is what we are in:  wars, murder, genocide, hate, greed and evil in general.  She said that all women are a combination of these goddesses.  No one is all beautiful, all graceful, all good.  Everyone is a mixture of good and bad, only hopefully most of us are ninety percent good.  I just came up with that ratio just now.
      Have a blessed day.  Namaste.