Dealing With Stuff

     When I am in what the Course in Miracles calls right mindedness, I pause and decide the best action or non-action or the action that would most likely prevent a wrong action which anyone is capable of.
     Usually I practice this in my daily affairs, but not always because I am human, have character defects and short- comings, perhaps even failings at times.
     At these times I pull myself up by my boot strings and I keep on trucking or trudging perhaps more accurately.  
     A friend called me recently, for although I do not ask for advice anymore, or rarely, I still give it.  If I had someone to advise me or felt that neediness was not a flaw, maybe I would reach out, but I have been programmed through behavioral modification not to do that.  I had a councilor once who only allowed me to call once a week.  If I called more, he said you only get one call a week.  This is behavioral modification, where you do not encourage dependency, a type of conditioning.  So, at this point I take my problems to God, and if I listen He will guide me and if I do not listen, my ego will guide me to ruin, humiliation and disaster, which of course I can come back from and again pull back on those boot strings.  This was what I told my friend to do, to pull herself back up and keep going.
     Anger and resentment are number one offenders.  Sometimes they build and erupt like a volcano if not addressed in some way, and this is not good.  The thing is sometimes, there is not a way to gracefully express myself, because I hold in the pain so long that it bursts like a damn.
     I realize this is not a good thing.  Have you ever felt like you were less than or treated that way or people had double standards in the way they treated you, just because perhaps they did not feel that your feelings were vulnerable?  Just as an example, I used to tell my ex, "you think I am made of steel."  I suppose what I was saying was that I felt like he thought I was unbreakable, and I did not want to be that strong.  I wanted to be nurtured and cherished.
     But, of course like the song by The Rolling Stones, You Can't Always Get What You Want and sometimes you have to be OK with what is.  Look at a body of water, a landscape and let go of fear, tension, heartache, anger and gradually find inner peace in a state of now.  Shanti.