Lately I had been a little wistful about the past. However, yesterday, going through some old artwork, I found an old journal from two years ago, and I was not that happy, from what I was saying, with a relationship that I was in. This person passed away from cancer, and I went through a lot of grief about it, and still feel grieved, but since I have blogged about him, in the past, I would rather not mention his name, since none of you know or knew him, anyway. Well, maybe some may have met him once or twice.
This is not about him, though, or any relationship, really. It is about the fact that we often glorify how things were, and think happiness was then, and really it was not, because most people are often dissatisfied in some way.
I suppose I forgot about the difficulties I had with this person, and our differences. Well, really I did not forget. I had tried to only look at the good, and ignore the bad. Still, the way it was, I could never really have been happy, and he probably was not happy either, even though there were some really good times. I guess that is just how life is.
It often seems like, if only I had this or that, I could be happy, but the thing is, I suppose, to just be happy. Be present, be in the now, like Eckart Tolle and Ram Daas talk about.
I know all too well how difficult it is, when you wish you could change your life, but you just cannot, and you are in a rut or stagnating. You might feel you are living in the wrong town or community, or like you were born in the wrong family, or married the wrong person. Still, I guess acceptance is the only way to deal with that. I do not think it means, do not change the things you are able to.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen
The Serenity Prayer
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