Occult Methods

    For many years I was very caught up in occult methods, sush as psychics, the I Ching, Astrology, Tarot Cards, etc..  I admit no great spriritual gain came to me, because all this was spiritualism naturaly.

    Although I must say I never expected spiritual gain thank you very much, not really.  I just wanted guidance, reassurance, something to ease my heart's wondering.  And the aching in my heart as well I must say.  My life when I was younger seemed so difficult to me, especially when I was bringing up two boys on my own and wanted to be with the right guy. Then there were those times I realized the happiness, love and family life I wanted were all there with just me and the boys and we were most happy with no man in my life.  The idea that I needed that type of love was only society's dictate and some warped sort of survival of the fittest.  Truly the real survival was to survive on our own.  The men I chose just majorly brought us down or my reaction to them perhaps I might say more accurately.  I have said before my self esteem issues were off the charts in a bad way.  I do not know why, perhaps just the era in which I was born, no reflection on my lovely parents, again thankyou very much.  And I am being sincere.  I regard my father with utmost respect wherever his soul may be and my mother who is a wonderful person and a brilliant philosopher and artist in her own right, both of them brilliant writers for which I can only shed gratitude for the gift of language.  My children have inherited this gift as well. My older son, almost twenty-nine now, is an unusual sort.  Although he is brilliant in his own way, I have had to learn to accept him in some ways.  He is unique.  Are not we all?

    My brother said in one of his articles that ghosts according to Meher Baba are all around us, although somewhat ineffectual (my own opinion combined with some of what I have heard Baba said)  I have experienced the presence of some sort of entity in the night for which I later smudged and asked and prayed for the disappearance of to a higher power, Jesus or Baba.
     My younger son was telling me of terrible nightmares he had been having.  My dreams are intense, but lately mostly relate to healing. I dream visually impaired, since I am.  I dreamed that I got on the wrong bus in a big city and needed help to get home or to the right side of town, which in itself is symbolic of wanting to be in the right place, centered, mentally, physically and spiritually.       

     The most beautiful dream I had was about having eye surgery, which is not an option for my particular eye malady, and waking up with perfect vision.  This was so wonderful, heaven in my estimation.  Perhaps a dream interpreter might say, "seeing clearly" is a metaphor for better insight and understanding, but to me it was just the sheer joy of seeing, truly seeing.  Seeing is wonderful.  I can no longer see every color.  I have to ask store clerks if things are navy or black, sometimes cannot distinguish dark nuances and shades like dark brown, green and blue or dark burgundy, red, purple or brown.  Yet, once I was a visual artist as well as musician and so so very visual.  My father was an artist, who went blind and then turned to writing, wrote several books.  I see where he was coming from, because a blind person can write.  Later more will come in this forum for me to describe the symptoms of retinitis pigmentosa, quite fascinating really.