One thing I have to say is that if you have to hide the truth about yourself to someone, for fear of losing him or her, they are not worth having. For example, a girl from my support group was told not to tell the guys she dates, that she has retinitis pigmentosa, by her opthamologist. Everyone was appalled. How old school. Yes, RP is hereditary, and she may go blind one day, but I told her to empower herself as a woman, as well as someone with RP. This is old school and completely unacceptable. I said that if you cannot tell someone the truth, they are not worth having. It really made me mad at that doctor. Obviously a man, and a sexist one at that, but he was completely overstepping a boundary in my opinion.
So, first I feel that it is important to be able to be honest with someone. I do not think it is necessary to tell your whole life story or tell every single thing right away. I feel there needs to be a sense of stability and intimacy between you and another person, before you tell them all about you. I have had friends who knew nothing about me, because they never listened, always talked about themselves. Obviously, you want someone who listens to you, as well as you listening to them. Being a good listener is important.
I strongly recommend that no one ever date anyone, or even try to date anyone, who broke up with someone in the last year, or that was recently in a relationship. The last thing you want is to be with someone on the rebound, or who has a lot of relationship baggage. Nine out of ten times, they are not over their ex, and they might even still be seeing them intermittently or at least talking regularly. Do not waste time on this. You will only get hurt. I have dated people before, and did not know they were still hung up on someone, until they sprang it on me. It is not fair to the person you are with. Also, do not date anyone who has a history of promiscuity. Although, you should always have safe sex, you should not take chances, just my opinion. I do not usually talk about sex on my blogs, but I think this is an important issue.
Next I would say, pay attention to signals. Perhaps I am easily discouraged, but I think it is a bad idea to waste time on anyone, who does not truly seem interested. It is obvious if he or she is not that into you, so trust your gut about that, and do not listen to well meaning match makers, who tell you they are interested, and you do not have to be interested or settle, just because it seems to be what others want for you.
I suppose what I am saying is not to humiliate yourself in this way. Self preservation is important, although perhaps you can be too easily discouraged.
Red flags are plentiful. If someone does not have their life together at all, such as no job, no home, that is a no brainer. Chances are they just want to mooch off you. Even if he seems sexy or sophisticated, he may be an opportunist, just looking for a place to crash. He or she may even be looking for opportunity to steal from you.
If you are dating someone, and they dump you for someone, or even to pursue someone else, never ever take them back. It will never end. You will never get the respect you deserve from him or her.
Also, if he or she is physically abusive, and we all know about the young woman who knifed her boyfriend to death, her trial being on TV, then that is another no brainer. One smack leads to more. I need say no more.
Excessive and inappropriate jealousy, even though there is no reason for it, as well as controlling behavior, is unacceptable. If your boyfriend checks your phone calls in your phone, this is an overstepping of boundaries. This is a bad sign. They should realize that your social medias are yours, unless the call or email is for both of you.
Well, there are plenty of other things, such as put downs, insults, belittling, and we all know about all that, but I am going to close by saying that it is important not to make another human being your higher power, more special than God. This is the meaning of codependence in a sense, and should not be the case. Although, you can love someone deeply, one must love oneself first, in order to love and be loved. Romance is not worth forsaking one's sanity, health and well being. Not everyone is lucky in love, but do not ever let this define how you feel about you. There are old fashioned silly stigmas about not getting married, but in a new age, that should not be the case. Love to all. Namaste.....
No comments:
Post a Comment