Yesterday, someone close to me, said something that really hit a nerve. I was hurt, confused and upset.
It had to do with all I feel most sensitive about. At first, I was going to go all 'Course in Miracles' and say to myself, "in my defenselessness my safety lies," and "I am never upset for the reason I think," or "God, let me see this differently, through the Holy Spirit thought system, and not my ego mind."
I was angry, so angry, so hurt and on the war path, although I did not want to be initially. I thought some wine would make it all go away, but it only made me angrier, and less in control, even though I only had two glasses of wine, but my tolerance is low, because I do not drink much.
Whoops, I did it again. I attacked someone, and I humiliated myself this way. I am already a black sheep in a lot of ways, and many people do not give me the respect for my abilities and innate goodness, because they only know me from a distance, or from what they have heard, but it is irrelevant what people think.
I wish I could have not reacted to anything. I wish I could be at peace, in the way that I always talk about, that I could walk the walk, not half the time, but every day. I wish I could turn the other cheek like Jesus, and really do it, not just intend to.
If I had been defenseless like Jesus, I would have kept myself safe from myself, my anger, my reactions, my attacking back, etc.. The point is to be like Jesus.
Happy Easter, everyone.
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