I called a friend. Usually I handle things on my own. She reminded me of my other name 'Sage', aka Sage,lol, which means wise. She also reminded me to get back to my own center.
I was not grounded. I got off center and off balance. After pulling myself back together and back up from my bootstraps once again after a big cry, I meditated and did Reiki on myself as well as yoga and alternate nostril breathing. I also held my chakra stones for a while. I have a set of seven stones that match the chakras. I cannot tell the ones with yellowish tones apart anymore, so I just hold them. I can see the amethyst, turquoise, and rose quartz. And of course, one is black. I know the root chakra is often red, but it can be represented by a black stone which I forget the name of, garnet perhaps.
I listened to one of my talking books and got the laundry done before bed, as well having some nutrition and doing a full yoga session on my own. I did what my friend said. She reminded me of my wisdom, and I had forgotten my own self. In Baba, people probably think that is what you are supposed to do. Even in twelve step programs, there is an expression, "get out of self", but the actual meaning of that is doing service work, or karma yoga, so as not to dwell on one's own problems, which can be obsessive and nonconstructive.
However, there are times when one needs to get inside oneself, one's essence, once again. This helps, because believe it or not, even if all is gone it seems, and it seems like no one cares or you have no one and nothing and no one loves you, you have yourself. I have myself. I may have just about no one who appreciates me, but I can love myself, period, without permission.
The next right thing to do, doing the next right thing, another twelve step expression, is letting go. Sometimes, one must let go of all that is no longer serving you. Let others come and go as they will, and maintain alliance with the Tao, the true Sage, your higher power and higher self, the Holy Spirit thought system as A Course in Miracles says. Whatever you call your higher power, is the same, whether it be Baba, Jesus, Buddha, Yahweh, etc..
Meher Baba said that if you call out to God with all your heart, He will help you. I am not quoting verbatim, which is why I did not add quotation marks. I'll leave Baba's words to my brother.
Also, growing up at the Baba Center, I see how ineffectual it was, that everything I really learned, I learned after growing up there, not during, I am sorry to say, although the eastern thought system I admit I did learn, but not to love myself or yoga or meditation, all of which came from further seeking on my own for what was missing from my early faith. Everyone has their own path, journey, to follow, and no one can judge another's. We are all unique and yet all one, a collective, yet different.
All I know is, I must stay on my path, or I will not survive this crazy world, which I can make crazy all on my own if not careful. We all can. Also, remember as I often forget, feelings are not facts. Last night I said a mantra from A Course in Miracles. It is actually a workbook lesson which says, "in my defenselessness my safety lies." No matter how the world assaults you, you are safe in being defenseless. This does not mean that one should not defend oneself, but if I lash out at others and do not let it be, I am only compounding the problem for myself. Therefore, the safest place for me to be is defenselessness.
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