Some of us are overachievers and think we have to have the perfect figure or have the perfect house or perfect family or give the perfect birthday party for our kids. Some use food as a drug of choice and others have other vices, but we all want to be beautiful and loved. The truth is that we are God, not I am God, but God is within us and no matter what we can appreciate and accept as well as respect ourselves.
Food is not a drug for me. It never has been, but I have in my life felt that I was imperfect in many ways, and have been told so all too much.
We are also, many of us, caught up in our stories. For example, here is mine: I was beautiful, young, smart, a good addition to the business for my talent with numbers and administrative secretarial skill, but my husband stopped loving me, and left me, and found a woman younger, even though as crazy as it sounds he was already quite a bit older than me. I never really understood it, except to accept that he just did not like or want me, who I was, and it was OK for her to be whoever she was because she was in essence the kind of woman he wanted.
Truthfully, after he left I found someone too, and that relationship went on for four years, but I ended up having to support the person I was with. I think I just liked him because he was good lucking and a musician, a good one, but he was not what you would call really nice to tell the truth, but I am sure he might be to someone. He eventually wanted to marry me too little too late, and by then I just could not bring myself to do it. Too much had gone down.
In the meantime, I lost my house, my savings, was working but eventually got sick and had to quit working, had to get assistance from the government. Then when I started getting better, I started going blind.
Recently I read an article about how some of us are just not really matched with anyone correctly in our karma in this life and that is OK. No woman in her forties or fifty like me or even older should feel like a loser because she is on her own in terms of relationship status. I know women and men as well, in their sixties, seventies, even eighties who would like to find someone, but know how to be on their own and be self-contained. Being in a relationship or marriage does not define one, although it can be a blessing and a wonderful, beautiful thing to be celebrated, like The Wedding Song, "wherever two or more of you are gathered in his name there is love, there is love..." , and if it does define one and one cannot survive without the relationship, then one is codependent. Maybe I am wrong and it is more like Romeo and Juliet, where they could not live without each other. I know couples sometimes die in short distance from one another. I would not know. My parents were such duel but separate entities, entwined by Meher Baba even in name, but headstrong in their own right, both of them.
I used to be told by a married friend who depended on her husband for everything financially, did not even know how to pay a bill, that I did not need a man. Truthfully, I do not, but coming from this person, it was ridicules. How can a woman who does not even have any idea how much her water bill is and has to ask her husband for money to do anything, say to an independent self-sufficient woman who takes care of a house, a family, kids, animals, bills and is blind, that she does not need a man? Theoretically true, yes but entirely hypocritical even if well meaning. I suppose at the time I wanted to be with someone or was perhaps struggling with a relationship already. No matter, not all of us have to be in a relationship or be married, but those of us who are independent and unafraid to be alone because we have already faced ourselves, do not need to be lectured by those who have never walked in our shoes before.
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