Saturday, August 17, 2013

The Moon and Star

I could not believe my eyes,
Looking up at darkest night skies,
The moon a crescent, I did see her,
Golden and one great star in clear view sight,
Jupiter.

No longer could I see the stars,
Yet I saw one that very night of the crescent moon,
That seemed so close, so bright, not far,
Lying in the night heaven like a silver spoon,
And Jupiter, one star so bright.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

How to Stay Positive and Not Let Bad Experiences Make One Lose Faith in Oneself

     Sometimes I think people must think I am crazy, but I am not.  I mean everyone is crazy.  But, that is the thing.  I am not concerned about what people think.  If I let the opinion of others define my opinion of myself, I will not be a happy person.
     The fact that this is illusion is helpful, as I always say, but since I have always had to live in a world that was not sheltered from maya and illusion, and have not had the advantage of being able to be naïve, I have had to learn defense mechanisms.  I think I stay away from people a lot now, because I am tired of fighting with illusion, with my own demons.  I just want peace, the peace of God.  I do not want to have conflicts, trials or tribulations.  My life has always been difficult, and I know everyone has problems.  I just have difficulty playing by the rules, conforming, being talked down to, and have spent most of my life being overlooked and underappreciated.
    Marianne Williamson says that if we were to choose to shine, and not hide, afraid that others will not be able to handle how beautiful and wonderful we are, nor oneself realize it, we would have a magnificent, miraculous life. 
     I know what she means, because I am always afraid to really assert myself, because I do not want people to think I am egotistical or self centered.
     It seems like I always take back my own empowerment, in a bad way.  I say how I feel or say what I want, and then I feel guilty for wanting it, and I question my motives, and I do not want to look selfish or egotistical, and so I take it all back.
     I do not know why life is so hard for me.  I used to write my blog with so much confidence, and that has wavered, but I think it is because I was under so much stress, and it is really easy for me to turn the hate on myself big time.  That is why I have to admit that I lack true enlightenment. 
     When I say 'enlightenment,' I do not mean God realization, but the awareness that all is illusion, and a transcendence of neurotic thought to pure love.
     I guess when I say love, I mean unconditional love.
     The world is such a frightened and scary place.  At least the world that I live in, is a scary place.  Not my inner life or world, but the real world, if you want to call it real.  It is hard to come from a place of love when you have been assaulted on the street before, and you are afraid sometimes.  I wonder if this fear is just sensible fear, or if I am lacking in love.  I believe the former, that fear is sensible.
     I guess I could just decide to hate myself because of crappy experiences, or because I feel like people hate me, but why should I do that?  What good would that do?  Would it not be counterproductive?  I think if I have healthy boundaries, and retain my own self respect, then I will not let others get inside my head and bring me down.  I need to have boundaries and healthy defense mechanisms, so that no one else's attitude can effect the way I feel about myself.  During difficult times, it is hard to have these, which is what 'being kicked while you're down means.'  There is no way to put a bubble around oneself, to protect oneself from the world.  I guess the best suggestion that I have is, "this too shall pass."

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Ways in Which We Need Balance/ How Different Types of People Can Make a Better World Together If in Harmony

     Sometimes I think that no matter how much self help reading, workshops and study I do, I am not getting to be a better person, but perhaps I am too hard on myself.
     There is a good chance if you feel this way too, you could be being hard on yourself too.
     Another thing is, if you feel bad about something from the past, and it really bothers you, sometimes the things you feel bad for doing or not doing, could have been okay for the other person at the time.  One may never know this, unless one talks to that person about it. 
     Often our egos think that everything revolves around us, and sometimes that can lead us to think that the thing we feel guilty about, is what the other person's perception is.  It is not always about us.  Sometimes it is more about them, and their relationship to someone besides us, that needed fostering, nurturing or growth.  We tend to see the world as always being about ourselves, but that is just the ego.  Guilt can be ego as much as other emotions, such as anger and hurt feelings. 
     I am not saying that no one is entitled to these, but like Marianne Williamson says, and Wayne Dyer as well, if we were to fill ourselves with just love, our lives would be better.  There would be no room for a neurotic thought, even.
     I talk a lot and often, about a Course in Miracles, which is not a religion.  It is actually, technically considered a spiritually based psychotherapy.  That is right - psychotherapy.
     Now, when it comes to balance, and the people in our lives, many of us are parents.  Many of us are not parents, either by choice or by not being able to have children.  I think we need to have friends at every station, and every point of view.  For example, I am a mother, but I have women friends my age, who do not have children.  Many times, people with children, will say, "you wouldn't understand if you have not been a parent."  Yes, that may be true in part, but your childless friend may be able to be objective about parenthood, and have some refreshing ideas, that you may not have thought of yourself. 
     Even if someone has never been a parent, they have probably had parents, or at least one parent, at one time.  They may have life experience, so they could have insight into parenting, and the objectivity of not being a parent can be an asset.  This is just something I thought of today.
     The more we keep an open heart, and an open mind, the more clarity there will be for us, and the more improvement and change, if we think there should be, will be present.  Namaste.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Darkness

I hear the music in the darkness,
In a place where I drown to nothingness,
And yet this nothingness is peaceful,
Longing to write the words down with a pen,
And yet this pen is dry, the paper a napkin.

I try to hide in the real world,
Yet at the same time wish to be seen,
Like a paradox of thought,
And everywhere have been.

Life is not eternal,
The only chance of happiness internal,
For everything I ever learned is but a lie,
Perhaps the answer is somewhere in the
distant sky.

I am not who I was yesterday,
And yet sometimes feel the same,
It's like a ridiculous play, theatre of the absurd,
Perhaps but a game,
Yet in it, not glory nor fame.

The way I see it, ignorance wins each time,
They do not learn, but there is no crime,
Except for the lack of understanding that always prevails,
And in this lonely absence of consciousness,
All I find is nothingness,
And then again, nothingness is peaceful,
Like music in the darkness.