Sunday, March 30, 2014

Clearing Chakras

     I realize that I have blogged on this before, but it is one of my favorite topics.  When the chakras are balanced and open through yoga and meditation, it is easier to communicate, to understand, to be grounded, to heal and to feel compassion.
     When you sit in a comfortable relaxation position, preferably on a yoga mat in lotus position with a candle and incense, eyes closed, you can visualize in your mind's eye.  Some people find visualization nearly impossible.  In that case, one can learn, but until then one can feel rather than visualize.  Kirtan type music or meditation music can also help in such circumstances where a person is more audio.  Also one can imagine textures such as velvet or silk, even sand and earth.
     Hands outstretched on the knees, you focus on the root chakra, red.  Located at the perineum, this chakra controls groundedness.  Allowing a silver chord to go upward in meditation, the next chakra or sacral chakra, color orange, controls creativity and sexuality.  Focus on opening and balance as the meditation continues upward.
     Right at the stomach, between the ribs, is the solar plexus, yellow.  This chakra controls energy and groundedness as well.  Continuing to align all chakras with the silver chord, it now reaches up to the heart, which is green.
     Imagine a staircase on which you travel down into this chakra in your chest, as though it were a cave and take a seat within your own heart.  This meditation visualization I learned from Didier when I attended his class here at the beach.
     The heart now open, you can continue up to the throat, blue or turquoise.  This is the chakra of communication, speech and singing.  Once a clear space is made here, you will be able to communicate better.
     Now the silver chord continues up to the third eye, indigo, insight, inner knowledge and wisdom.  Imagine purple, amethyst.  This is sight beyond the physical eyes.
     We continue up through the top of the head, the crown, white or gold.  This is the seventh chakra, the highest of all.  It is the chakra of compassion and divinity, Godliness. 
     Now we breath, our chakras flowing freely and balanced.  Slowly come back from this meditation, opening the eyes.  Bow to honor the light within for taking time to do this practice.  Namaste.

Friday, March 21, 2014

The RP Song/ The Same Way Too by Leslie Walsh

                 This song is dedicated to my RP support group, my kids
                  and my dad, who also had RP, about what it is like deal-
                  ing with retinitis pigmentosa (losing eyesight).
                  March 21, 2014

Every day I'm losing ground,
One more loss when I'm lookin' around,
Like a needle in a haystack, it just can't be found,
And I'm sinking, I'm sinking down.

But I pray that I can be strong,
And I hope that you hear my song,
I know you feel the same way too,
Just the way I do.

Every night I hope and pray,
Wonder when the stars went away,
And all these colors faded away,
My eyes failing on a cloudy day.

But I pray that I can be strong,
And I hope that you hear my song,
I know you feel the same way too,
Just the way I do.

Lookin' at this gray black sky,
Hopin' that these dreams don't die,
This legacy just makes me want to cry,
But I got to hold my head, hold my head up high.

But I pray that I can be strong...

first verse again (two times)

But I pray that I can be strong...

Friday, March 14, 2014

Relationships/ Why Do We Choose the Wrong People?

     Many people have regrets, and some have transcended these to some sort of philosophical outlook.  I go back and forth between the two.  I married the wrong person when I was very young, but I stayed with him, and I had children with him.  It was pretty clear he did not love me, but I continued anyway. 
     When that finally ended, I got into a living together situation with another person who did not love me either, and also made it pretty clear by his actions and the way he treated me.
     I am not a victim.  Clearly, I chose this, but why?  Psychologists say that people look for people who are incapable of loving them or who have qualities of their parent or parents that made them feel unloved, rejected or even abused.  I do not know about all that.  Still, due to low self-esteem, a person can think they do not have much worth or value, and therefore assume they are lucky to have someone, even if that someone treats them with disrespect.
     A friend of mine called me several times to talk about his problems with various long term girlfriends, over the years.  I noticed that each girlfriend he would tell me about, sounded so much like the last one, and was doing the same things as the last.  I pointed this out to him, and I asked him, "what is it they have in common mostly?  You.  You are the one thing they truly have in common, so it is the fact that you are seeking out these types of women."  I was pointing out that it may have been partly due to the way he was with women.
     Hence, what I am saying is that I did not feel deserving of love for whatever reason, and therefore, I kept seeking out unloving partners for all the wrong reasons.
     I continued in this pattern, and my relationships remained destructive and unhealthy.  Once in a while, someone crossed my path, that things may have really worked with, but I never gave it enough energy, but continued to get involved with relationships that led absolutely nowhere and were disrespectful, until finally I just broke down and had enough.
     I spoke to a pastor at this point.  He told me that the next time a man showed me disrespect, to show him the door.  I did this, and I truly took his advise, because I had really hit bottom.  I was at the point of self-loathing, where you do not even know how you can live anymore.  I was basing my own self-worth on how others treated me or thought of me.  I took Reverend Jim Brown's words very, very seriously.
     I know I am not a great success in the area of relationships, but that is not the point.  The point is that I came through a lot, and I learned to respect myself.  I stopped putting up with crap, putting up with people talking smack to me, whatever.  Perhaps, I just grew up finally.  I was forty-two years old when I had that talk with Reverend Brown, and things have not always been smooth sailing for me, but I did however, learn to say, "there's the door," and truly mean it, as well as learning to walk out that door if that were the case, and never look back.  This does not make me hard, but it means that I am no longer naïve, and I will not stand for abuse of any kind.  Once you make this decision that you are most important, then being alone is something you have to learn to not only accept, but to like, because you like yourself.  Namaste.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Lessons Learned/ The True Meaning of Karma vs Popular Belief/ The Past, What Does it Mean Now?

     I woke up early this morning, and I stayed in bed until 8:00, trying to go back to sleep, which is unusual for me, because I usually sleep late.  Thoughts about the past started creeping back into my mind again, and I could not well weed them out this time.
     The only conclusion I have come to is that if you spend too much time with another human being who is completely dysfunctional, you wind up feeling dysfunctional too, and perhaps even acting as if you are.  That is one thing I recall about a particular experience from my own past.
     I never talk about the past anymore.  I know I am not my story.  I know I cannot change anything that has happened, and so I have to look at everything as a lesson learned.  This brings me back to what a friend of mine said recently, that karma is not payback exactly, or retribution, etc., but the true meaning is that if we do not learn certain lessons the first time, we repeat the same mistakes.  I suppose the lessons and the pain of them is sort of the karma.  We do not have to repeat any of that in this life or the next, unless we did not get it this time.
     Still, as much as I want to forget about all the turmoil, misfortune, regrets, dysfunction, mistakes, resentments, guilt, etc., it creeps into my consciousness from time to time, perhaps due to a sudden reminder, person, place or thing, and somewhere deep down I am bothered by it. 
     I wish I could say I had it all together, had all the answers, and that I was totally enlightened, but I suppose I am sucked in at times to negative emotions, just as much as other people. 
     It is not my eyesight or lack of that makes me sad, nor my finances, nor anything one might think.  It is not my present circumstances as much as my former circumstances, because I spend much time regretting, and that is unfortunate and a waste.  We all have so many hours in a day, and one would hope that the most could be made of all of it, but how?  I always say that I am more afraid of not living than of dying.
     Sometimes the things we want for ourselves or that others want for us is not what is meant to be.  I am not sure, and I actually doubt that there is a divine plan for us.  I think we probably design it as we go.  Still, one can feel like a failure when the things pursued do not go as planned or as our parents planned, which is strange but true.  Many of us are very led by feelings about what our mothers or fathers wanted, such as for us to be married, to have a certain education, to have kids, to live in a certain place, to make something of our lives.  Sometimes we cannot live up to what they think we will do, and it causes us to suffer, because we cannot be the person that we think we were supposed to be.  I mean me, I guess, not we.  This does not mean they do not love us or the person we became, but that we ourselves might not feel satisfied, because of pressures or agendas they may have had for us long ago.  This is my experience, and I am sure I have made my own parents proud in some ways, hopefully, but perhaps have not lived entirely in the way that may have been expected of me.  The thing is that one really has to be true to oneself in the long run.  That is the only way to be, the only way one can be.  Karma, in terms of one's circumstances, cannot really be forced.  The lessons are not learned until they are, and I am not sure there is a way around that, unless you worked it all out in a previous life, presumably, and have a super high consciousness and maturity level for one's age.  I am speculating here.
     I have been reading a lot of self-help books, but it can be an overload on the brain.  I think one thing I have realized though, from reading, is that sometimes people are afraid to heal.  Why?  The reason is that it means having to really take a look at everything, the pain, the anger, maybe even unforgiving for awhile, even if we have forgiven.  This is sort of eighties, I realize, and not very Course in Miracles, but it is true I think.  If a person wants to heal, they have to do the work, get mad, write it down, talk to a counselor, (a good one, because bad ones will make it worse.) 
     So, all in all I do not have all the answers or a therapy degree or anything of the kind, but my life experience is extremely complicated, and I have been through a lot.  I just do not talk much about it, because that is not my style.  Sickness is like a role people play.  Of course it is not a person's fault at all if they are sick, but what I am saying is that a person does not have to stay sick forever.  The key is recovery, not identifying with sickness, but with wellness, all the while taking care of oneself by protecting the mind and body as well as having good boundaries.  When we let others invade boundaries, this leads to pain and suffering, and we have to learn to respect the boundaries of others as well as them letting us know when we are crossing them. 
     This is about all I have to say now that the moon and sun are in Pisces.