I think the reason why Meher Baba and some other masters from India were silent is because they realize the spirituality of silence more in the east.
Here ministers give long sermons of scripture and some are very inspiring. Jesus gave the Sermon on the Mount.
Even at the Baba Center, they give long talks about meeting Baba. I think if anyone would listen I might talk and talk, so I write. LOL
There is something about silence that is endless, expansive, meditative and holy. Like the mantra, the lotus is beautiful. listen to the silence,or om mani padme hum. Deva Premal sings a beautiful version of this chant.
Every July tenth, there is a holy day where Meher Baba followers can observe silence in honor of His silence.
Personally except when I am sleeping or meditating, I like to listen to books or watch television, or play music (play guitar and sing) or play CDs or Youtube, because sometimes silence makes me sad or lonely.
Maybe this is due partly to the fact that I am visually impaired. However, I am a very visual person, even though there is so much others see I do not. I think I sometimes assume others see the way I do, because I take it for granted.
I am visually impaired in my dreams, but I do not think about it, unless there is an issue like getting lost or on the wrong bus, anxiety dreams.
Once I dreamed I had eye surgery and woke up with perfect vision, but that is impossible.
Last night I had yoga class. I felt wonderful from it. Also had a great Course in Miracles class. I can never get enough new age healing.
When I was growing up in a Baba family, I kept silence on Silence Day. My brother did as well. We used to read comic books all day. That is how we got through it. If our telephone rang, my parents just let it ring and ring. I do not think Dad liked Silence Day as he got older, because he was blind and it made him feel isolated.
It is so interesting how we all grow up similarly and yet differently, with our different customs and rituals, religions and political conditioning as well as social economics and views on what is beautiful as to art, clothing, decorating, etc..
We are all one according to both Baba and the Course in Miracles, only the Course says we are minds, but Baba says we are souls or atmas. He also said in God Speaks that we are one soul, atma. This may sound like a contradiction. I do not see it that way, because more than one thing can be true at once.
Science has proven meditation to be good for the body as well as mind.*
Yoga is actually a union of body and mind.*
I have known people who said they tried meditation and were unable to, either because their thoughts raced or because they could not visualize. Although I am legally blind, I have had eyesight in my life and visualize pretty much anything, even things I have never seen. For example: if you asked me to visualize the top of Mount Everest or a place like Paris or Calcutta, India or America in the '40's, just random things I can think of right now, I can picture them, even though I have never seen them before in real life or at least this life.
The good news is that anyone can learn to meditate. I was told by Dr. Gibbs years ago, to start meditating and doing yoga. He showed me a picture of his master Baba Hari Daas, who I do not think is still living. He used an alphabet
board and was silent for many years like Meher Baba.
I said, "well Meher Baba does not stress meditation that much. We are just to love Him." However as time went on I respected Dr. Gibbs more and more and yes I admit there was a little crush there, but it was a totally professional relationship, although I must say I came to love Dr. Gibbs, because he was a true healer as a physician of the mind. He also knew much about nutrition and helped me in this way.
I asked him one day how to meditate, and he told me you just watch your breath. He once gave a talk which I took my mother and son to, about the big mind vs. the little mind. For example if your romance breaks up, the little mind says: "I'm going to kill myself. I can't go on without him/her. I'm dying here. I need to get drunk for a week..." I'm being funny here I know, getting carried away. But, the big mind says, "there's other fish in the sea." Alright you may be thinking this sounds shallow or flippant, but really it makes sense totally.
Now I practice yoga and meditation on a regular basis and it is of great help to me for stress, depression, health both mental and physical. When the thoughts come, you just let them go. The mind goes blank. This is a way to rest the mind. Sometimes I will see things in my third eye which I pay no mind to, but enjoy the journey through portholes and vortexes. Through chakra mediation I have experienced colors for every chakra pose, from root to crown, the third eye and crown most intensely. I have never done drugs, so do not get any ideas. I have experienced all this sober, clean and sober.
Now, another way to meditate as to do yoga is in a group or class situation which can in and of itself have great power, the unity and oneness of meditation with others is an esoteric joining that is amazing in its depth. The minds are like a collective mind.
Guided visualizations are great ways to meditate. I was asked when I belonged to a Methodist church where I sang in the choir and was very active, such as writing a skit, playing music, etc., to do some sort of workshop or presentation for the older people, so I led a guided meditation, which led to a place where Jesus was and what you would tell Him and what He would tell you. Then people shared their experiences. It was really nice.
I would like to add that I too have racing thoughts in general sometimes, but the practice of meditation on a regular basis can help one to control this and completely stop these thoughts with discipline of meditation.
Also, as far as not being able to visualize, ex: I have a friend from the Commission for the Blind who has been blind from birth. I described to him and led him around having him feel the artwork, of which was of more than one
texture and sculptures at the hotel we were all put up in while the dorms were being remodeled. If someone cannot visually visualize in his/her mind, there are other senses that can be imagined, feel, smell, hearing, taste, and just intuition in and of itself.
*Depok Chopra Aging Body, Timeless Mind: Quantum...
Last fall I received a Patterson J. Kincaid sweater. It was more than I expected, although it was really beautiful, it reminded me of clothes I had made up. I thought it was just a nice gray sweater that zipped up the front and had a beautiful open knit in back with a touch of cashmere.
It turned out it was reversible in all directions, back and forth, up and down. It reminded me of clothes I had designed and made up that were reversible like my halter tops, although I could never really imagine wearing the knit on the inside. I really put the cotton lining in for more comfort.
A friend of one of my sons who I gave one to, said it was amazingly comfortable.
I do not knit and sew anymore but enjoy looking at clothes on line and sometimes in stores. When I was a child I would draw clothing and color them in. My mother was always impressed. I would always make the tops elaborate with embroidery and lace up boots, colorful, and very influenced by seventy's styles.
I miss some of the styles available back then, such as dark green boots, burgundy lace up boots, front zipping boots and most of all I miss Mexican peasant blouses. Everything is made in India now, nice but not the same.
I bought a top with a square neck and embroidery ties at the puff sleeves at J.C. Penney in Columbia. I never see anything like that here.
A few years ago I found a Mexican embroidered dress at the Salvation Army in Conway and bought it for only four dollars.
The amazing thing is how inexpensive clothing can be these days.
For example, I found these great organic cotton tee shirts for only three dollars. There was only one left in my size, a sort of lavender. I have trouble seeing colors, especially the more subtle differences of similar hues. I put it up to pink, something I knew was pink and figured it to be lavender, because it had the tiniest hint of blue I think. I was drawn to light blue, green, but they did not have my size and I think I have that color. I try not to be redundant about owning more than one of anything the same, unless it is like matching plates and glasses, etc..
Lately I have been drawn to white and light colors which is different, because I am usually a wearer of black. I look good in black I think. It is always a stylish look to wear black, especially on dress up occasions like weddings and evenings out. Black is simple, sophisticated and timeless as well as black accessories.
I am looking forward to seeing what is coming out this spring. I know jegging shorts are out now and flowing cowal necks. I hope that the flowy cardigan look stays in, because I have accumulated a few of those. Legging and jegging are still very much in style, and of course we always make our own style.
Sometimes clothing and accessories are worth the price of their label, but sometimes not. I once got a fabulous pair of pink Betsy Johnson jeans in San Francisco. They were marked down from 400 dollars to 75. I was selling my CD's like hotcakes. They had just come out and I was performing at Irwin Luck's film premiere at the Palace of Fine Art's so I was able to advertise in person. Having a lot of cash, I had been able to purchase the most expensive pants I ever got.
When it comes to socks, I got two pairs of Betsy Johnson over the knee socks at a discount store, one flowered and one plaid. Although, they are really pretty, the top is a little tight and uncomfortable.
I see designer tights on line, but the reviews are often not so great. Angelina are the best, because the one size fits most really are one size. The thermal tights which are really great, got great reviews that they deserve. They are more like ribbed than thermal. My girlfriend gave me some cable black leggings which I really like and I got the last velour ones at Stein Mart. They are more like narrow pants, which is nice because you do not have to wear a tunic.
One thing I learned recently, when I got a new dress for a wedding I was going to attend, I thought I needed a bra that was not visible. However, the strapless bra was too big. Then I realized all I needed to wear was a matching cami underneath. A girlfriend had told me this years ago, but I had forgotten.
I like yoga clothing. You can get some great yoga clothing at Walmart and J. C. Penney. I think the prAna yoga clothes on line are way too highly priced. I cannot say whether they are worth it, because I never bought any. They do have sales from time to time.
Although I love Hurley, a junior surf brand, I bought a pair of black yoga pants in junior large since I am a women's medium, but they are really big. I did not throw in the towel on Hurley though, because they are usually right on and good quality.
My problem is shoes. I do not have many, because I like boots so much. In the summer my mother forces me to buy flip flops and sneakers, and I do have some ballet slippers, high heel sandals, one pair in shiny red with cork bottoms, clogs and a pair of bright yellow flats for when I am in the mood for bright yellow accessories.
I think everyone needs certain classics, a black velvet blazer, which I no longer have, a denim jacket, a gray blazer, a pin stripe suit, a pair of loose pants like Kathryn Hepburn might have worn once, a pair of skinny jeans, some scoop necks and turtlenecks, and a pair or two of boot cut pants or jeans. And of course everyone needs tanks and tee's.
Depak Chopra wrote a book which I have read called The Ultimate Happiness Prescription. I am no Depok Chopra, but I feel happy today or tonight,and I have suggestions for happiness too.
Some people are stuck in jobs they do not enjoy but do not have any options and all sorts of situations that cause unhappiness, but I think if you can do something you like at all, it helps, even if you have to pretend your job is fun. I have had to do that.
This is not a suggestion, but I once stayed at a job for three years and my new boss was so mean that I sabotaged my job so that I could get fired, because I do not like to quit. It worked. Truthfully, I wanted to keep my job, because it hurt, but it was also the same month in which my father died and my companion of four years left me.
I think another suggestion is to keep trying to do what it is that is your passion, whether it be painting or working with children or being a veterinarian.
Another thing is to always have acceptance and see the glass as half full, not half empty. Everyone has problems.
Do not hang around with people who drag you down, whether it is a relative or a person you are dating. I guess if you are married unhappily it is a lot harder. I have been through that with two children. When he finally left, it was like tearing a bandage off fast, rather than bit by bit.
The next suggestion is hard for me, but I know it is the only way, forgiveness, something which can seem damn near impossible and I have forgiving to do. I am bitter about some things, but sometimes forgiveness is a miracle that suddenly happens like seeing the light, halelulah. An example for me was on my son's birthday when he was so sick and I walked into his room to find him in bed with his father silently sitting in a chair reading the scriptures (his father is a Christian). I backed out of the room. I felt this sudden surrender and freedom from resentment. I joked to my friends in my self-deprecation that he was exercising my evil demons. Get behind thee. Seriously though, it was a very freeing experience. I did not say anything about it. I think it was obvious.
Also when your child is sick, it is hard to hate the other parent if they too care and he does very much.
Another suggestion is not having expectations. This is hard, but if you do not expect so much from others, disappointment which is a terrible feeling, having had a lot of it as we all have, then the let-downs will not be as severe.
Always keep a sense of humor. I try not to take myself too seriously. Well, truthfully I do take myself seriously as a woman, mother, singer, musician, writer, poet, etc., but I am always quick to laugh about myself.
Oversensitive myself, I know how hurt feelings can get you down, but remember that people even nice people, unless they are just totally insensitive jerks, do not want to have to edit their every thought while speaking to one another. I know sometimes I will say something I did not mean to, and actually I have been accused of choosing my words too carefully. Well, really only ex-boyfriends said that, so I am not sure they are right, because someone I used to be around a bit, would get furious at the slightest thing I said, and it was always a delayed reaction, yelling about some little dumb remark that I did not mean anything by, but this is an example of toxicity, and although I look at everyone through the Holy Spirit thought system, it is not healthy to be vulnerable to these types of attacks, even if cries for love. What I mean is that one must protect oneself by staying away from this type person. Just wish them well in your heart, but keep a distance. I have repeated these mistakes a lot, so I am not claiming to have it made or have it all together here. But, sometimes people say something that sounds weird, yet you know they mean well and just are not censoring every word nor should they. However if someone really says some weird stuff to you that blows you away, especially more than once, I think it is time to part company.
Lastly, say a mantra like, it is God in which the light I see, ACIM workbook lesson from last Monday. This can help in arduous situations and situations which tempt one to lash out or get mad.
I almost got mad at the hospital picking up my son's things the other day, but I got them and it worked out, but I said this mantra to myself the whole time.
Exercise is really helpful, especially yoga. Meditation is helpful in slowing down racing thoughts. Emptying the mind or visualizing is one of the most helpful tools I have learned.
Being around others when you need to be and spending alone time when you need to be is good for balance. Too much of either is not necessarily good. Even married people need to have a little time for themselves.
Pets make me and many people happy. Buying yourself a treat, something you want, need and can afford can be a real cheer up.
I find that asking someone else how they are when I feel terrible gets me out of self, but at the same time there are times when it is essential to confide in someone when you are going through a lot.
Getting enough sleep and eating well and taking vitamins makes a person feel happier too, because the self-respect it takes to do these things is an assett and achievement and holistically, the mind, body and spirit are all connected.
Lastly, being here now like Ram Daas talks about and realizing the power of now as Eckhart Tolle's book is named are important. And, most important is Meher Baba's quote, "don't worry be happy." Some people think that came from Bobby McFarren, but actually I heard he saw it on a Baba poster at Tuck and Patty's who are famous musicians who happen to follow and love Meher Baba. It does not really matter who said it. It just happens to be true.
There was a scene in the movie Terms of Endearment with Deborah Winger and Shirley McClain that came out in the mid '80's. I saw this movie at a drive-in in the Los Angeles area after an extra work commercial with my ex-husband, our first born baby, about one and a half and our friends, another couple with a baby the same age, also a boy.
I recall in the movie, that Shirley McClain, who played the mother of Deborah Winger's character who is dying of cancer in the hospital, is yelling at the nursing staff or anyone who will listen to give her daughter more morphine. She is like a mother lion, cannot see her daughter in pain.
In the film, Deborah Winger has two little boys, one named Teddy like my Teddy. I have a son named Teddy. Her husband is a cheat. It is all very sad. She and her husband did not stay together. In my own experience, that just does not work.
It is normal I think for a mother like Shirley McClain in the movie to get upset like this. I acted the same way with my son Teddy's illness. He is twenty-nine, and has not been well. It is not like Deborah Winger in the movie, but he has needed medical attention, and I have been frustrated with some of the medical profession.
I really think that a mother's true instinct is to take a bullet for one's child, at any age their child may be. I realize some mothers may not have this. I do not judge them or know why or think I am better. God knows I have not always been the best mother.
If you do not have children and cannot relate, you still have or have at least had parents and they probably felt or feel this way about you. I hope so.
Sometimes I feel I have no one. I know I have God. The thing is I am a mother and I am a grown up, so I guess my friends are more than enough. I do have good friends. I also have a mother, and I love her, but it is a difficult relationship. I know this is not unique, and I probably should not be sharing this, but it is not that big a deal, just happens to be true.
Yesterday I did housework, not that I do not do a certain amount of house work on a daily basis, a bit had piled up, since I have been working on my writing.
I just wanted to share a little about parenthood. I think sometimes that if my marriage had stayed together, I would have been a better mother, since my marriage ended when my kids were little, and my ex-boyfriend, the one from Australia in case any other ex-boyfriend is reading this, (you will know I do not mean you), was not very nice to my children. I should not have stayed with him. When I combine some memories of his behavior towards my son Teddy with the thought of Ted being sick, I get furious at this man and at myself for being with him. In the Course in Miracles, I am supposed to forgive, well not supposed to but to achieve atonement, or oneness with God, I must radically forgive. I have tried but so far this forgiveness has not come. It has come in small spurts, concerning certain situations, but being the mother lion, I feel some anger, and I know some of this anger is going inward making me depressed, but I know that in these circumstances, I would be crazy not to be depressed.
In the I Ching, it mentions the hysterics of the ego. I know exactly what that means. The ego, not the ego in psychology that we all supposedly need to live, but the ego in existential or spiritual terminology being the sort of downfall in the face of adversity which we are often led by.
I have noted in my own experience that ego based decisions were not usually made for the right reasons. Examples of this would be for me, going to India for a romance rather than Baba or getting angry because I did not get the right response or playing games where I had to end up on top. Wanting to have the last word, being right rather than happy like Chopra talks about. All these are being one's own worst enemy, shooting oneself in the foot every time, because this little 'terrible two' year old inside is having temper tantrums, because no one is responding in the exact right way.
Chasing responses to the ego is what I call hysterics of the ego. I forgot to turn my phone off last night and an angry message woke me up at 4:00AM which is just rude and although I did get back to sleep, I woke up with a headache, but I am so busy feeding and fussing over my pets in the morning and trying to get my coffee made so I can even function, even though I have to take my dog for his first walk of the morning in a stupor, because I am just not ready to face the day.
It is a beautiful day outside though, and I really enjoy simple conversations with my neighbors, as simple as "did your dog come back", "how is your son", etc.. "I think he went that way."
I think if you are looking for a reaction in someone, and I mean me really when I say you, chances are that is not going to happen. So chasing results just does not work for me. There is a book written decades ago called The Games People Play. I think some people are real straight shooters and do not play games, but I think most people play some sort of game. I think society and success and the type of goals we value as a culture seem to force us into playing a certain amount of the game, as well as learned behavior and gender roles and ways of attracting the opposite sex or same sex if you happen to be gay.
Sometimes, if you let go of all this, and just be in the now, wanting nothing, like Tolle talks about, then all this suffering that the hysterics of the ego produces may simply mellow and even vanish.
If I am led by love, rather than my ego, and if my choices are made by love rather than desire or goal seeking, then all will be better, and I think the end result will be happiness, prosperity and good will.
In fact the ego can lead us straight into humiliation, the very opposite of what it wants. And, that is the unfortunate thing, so I think misfortune only darkens our doorstep until we follow the path of love, the path of our Higher Power, who some call God, Providence, Paramatma, Beyond beyond, Allah, Yezdam, etc..
Recently I lost my peace. I became uprooted and lost my ability to see things through the Holy Spirit thought system.
I could not see but for my ego, could not see the forest for the trees.
Sometimes when I lose my way I realize it is good to seek the advice of a friend who is like minded, and matters may become less intense and less oppressive.
Something was hurting me so much. I just could not see the forest for the trees, no clarity. After talking to a couple of friends on email and phone, my equipoise and serenity began to gradually return along with a brisk walk with the dog.
I had forgotten my Course in Miracles lesson for the week. God is the light in which I see, which had been our ACIM meditation mantra for the week.
The event which combined with some previous baggage occurred before my most recent Course in Miracles fix.
I am a Reiki Master. I am supposed to be this new age person who has it together. I do yoga for crying out loud, but I am just a human being, a woman, a
"wo - man" as Sarah Jessica Parker once said to Big on Sex and the City, although I believe she was supposed to be drunk, which I of course am not. However, I found that humorous.
I would be writing a relationship blog, but I do not have as many boyfriends
as I used to. Just kidding for what it is worth.
So, I realize now that next time I feel upset, I need to say, "God, help me see this differently." I just finished reading
Why God is Laughing by Depok Chopra. Along with the humor, he said a lot of the same things about love not being fear and the "issues in the tissues."
There was a funny joke in there, which I will recount. A guy goes into a bar with a talking dog and says, "give me a free drink. I have a talking dog." The bartender gives him a drink and says to the dog. "So you can talk?"
"Yes, I speak very well," says the dog, and so the bartender gives the dog a five dollar bill and tells him to go show the lady across the street how he can talk.
The man goes outside to find his dog humping another dog. He says "you never did anything like this before," and the dog says, "I never had five dollars before."
Well that is all I have for now. Love to all.
