I have only had general anesthesia once in my whole life. It was the only time I had surgery in my life that was not just localized, like a finger or a tooth. In 2002 I had a D&C
dilation and curettage for uterine fibroid tumors, benign tumors of the uterus which can cause problems from chronic pelvic pain, heavy bleeding and cramping to complications during pregnancy, infertility to hemorrhages.
They caused problems during my pregnancy with my second child, and I was only twenty-seven years old, young to have fibroids to some degree. I ended up in the hospital at five months pregnant with signs of premature labor, but it somehow stopped and I was able to make it to only three weeks before term, which enabled my son to be born on Father's Day rather than the third of July when he was due.
They are slightly more common in black women. My sister had them as well and had them removed. My medical coverage did not cover that option, so after my sister gave me the book, No More Hysterectomies, by Vicki Hufnagel, M.D. who actually ended up practicing in Mexico after losing her license to practice in The States due to her radical views.
Her cause or passion was influencing women with female problems like fibroids and endometriosis to try anything to save their uterus while mostly male doctors were constantly saying, "you need a hysterectomy."
I know women who have been very glad they had one, but there are reasons why some of us actively wanted to avoid one.
Without going into a case history and my choices which enabled me to keep my uterus without any more surgery than the one D%C, I will go back to the topic. I fell asleep under the general anesthesia very pleasantly with a feeling of well being, and awoke in a great deal of pain. In the recovery room, they kept asking me from one to ten the rate of pain, and I kept saying eight, because that was how bad it was. Well I survived obviously.
The weird thing is when you wake up, it is as if no time passed. It is said that there is a drug included in anesthesia which causes amnesia because surgery of any kind is quite traumatic.
When I saw the story about anesthesia awareness it horrified me, and made me think. That experience of thinking you died and went to hell I experienced once on a bad marajuana experience. I never did drugs, but I smoked a few times and once had such a bad experience I felt like I was dying...
Basically life and death are a bit scary. For moments I think I have all the answers and then I do not.
I will say that for women suffering from fibroids and endometriosis, I know how hard the chronic pain is. It is really hard, having been through it. You at one point want to say take this organ out and stop the pain, and I would not blame anyone for making that choice. I was just really determined, so I chose a very radical treatment called the lupron depot suspension injection, but after one shot I quit because of all the unpleasant side effects. Also, I began to hemorrhage and that was enough reason to quit, but I got through it and am thriving.
I want to add more, because I did not really tell the complete story, rather left it a bit obtuse. After my son was born, since I never got pregnant again, for the next twelve years the fibroids did not bother me much. It was not until I was around forty that the doctor started ordering ultrasounds, etc., because he found that my fibroids were definitely there from my exams. I was having heavy periods and cramps.
That was when he suggested the D&C, which really did not help much. I suggested removing the fibroids without removing my uterus, which was what my sister went all the way to Philadelphia to do. My insurance at the time only covered my state. He said that all that would be left was "swiss cheese". Gross, I know. I called one of these women's activist groups. I mean activist in terms of women's health issues. She said she would rather have swiss cheese than nothing, but that really was not an option for me logistically.
By the time I was about forty-two I was in pain most of the time and taking strong pain killers prescribed. The pain even extended down the front of my legs sometimes, a strong pressure type of pain. I was very skinny then, and the doctor who I liked by the way, said it would be so easy to operate on me because I was so skinny. Still, I kept objecting to the hysterectomy. Even when I had my D&C before hand I asked him to sign in writing that he would not just do a hysterectomy while I was under, and that if the off chance that something was terribly wrong and he had to, not to take my cervix. He signed all of that, saying that if there was some massive hemorrhage, he would have to and that sometimes the cervix might just come with it unavoidably. Well, I said OK, but nothing of the kind happened anyway.
Well back to age forty-two, skinny and in constant pain all the time. He finally said, "there is one option, the lupron depot suspension injection." I said I would think about it and research it.
I could not make up my mind. Then my mother started insisting I get it. We went to the doctor's office, and I was feeling panicky and could not go through with it. My mother said she would give me a thousand dollars if I got this shot, but I was still really confused. Then I just flat out refused. We left the doctor's office, and my mother was really mad.
But, shortly after I went back on my own and got the shot, but like I said I could not continue after the first which was supposed to be series of shots for about six months. The profuse endless bleeding, which premarin was used to stop, estrogen from the urine of pregnant horses, as in mare.
Well, believe it or not, the pain stopped and I had very little problems with the fibroids. I believe they did shrink, and because I did not continue, my ovaries remained healthy and vital. In fact I kind of hoped I could have another child, but that did not happen, and considering how poor I am and the blindness, it would have been hard, unless I had a spouse I suppose.
My sister wrote her story about fibroids which I read years ago, and her myomectomy, so I wanted to share mine. I could go on all day about female problems and doctors, and painful endometrial biopsies, but I will not today. I hope you enjoyed this article. This all happened several years ago, so there may be new treatments now. I do not know, and I am sure there are other cures on the horizon.
For women with problems, there are women's health activist groups, which could be found on line I would assume. I tried to look one up in the book, No More Hysterecomies, but I could not read the small print. I am sorry about that.
Most people have lost a friend for one reason or another at one time or another. I am writing to say it may seem like a terrible thing now, but it is not, and I will tell the reasons I believe this to be so.
Usually when a friendship dissolves, it is truly mutual, because if you do not like this person anymore, chances are high they are sending signals that they do not like or care much about you, or in my case because I do not drive, they may feel that I am too high maintenance. The truth is that I have had a friend who I could not really afford to hang out with, because of their expensive taste in restaurants and so forth, but was too proud to say, "can we go some place cheaper." This was especially so if I had to give them gas money, because I live on a fixed income. I have enough to live on, but not for a lot of luxury.
Another toxin that can cause disaster is a friend's jealousy. People can be jealous over the most ridiculous reason. They can be jealous that you are single even if you have to take care of yourself. They can be jealous if you have healthcare even if you are highly disabled. They can be jealous of your life, anything, stupid things. One sign of this is if you notice someone copying you, like certain clothing you have. The friend that I lost, not on fb but in real life, friended all my ex's on fb, and my friends they never met, which I think is creepy and strange.
Mainly, I think that people grow apart. And, if that happens and you make a mistake and apologize, clean up your side of the street and they still treat you with disdain, then it was not meant to be, and you did all you can. When I say you, I really mean me. I recently went through a similar experience to this, and it only bothers me if that person is anywhere I am. Since I am blind I do not have to see that person if they are slightly out of my straight ahead vision which is blurry anyhow, especially since I have to wear dark glasses in a brightly lit room, because my eyes are light sensitive.
I am not saying that I am without fault or failing to take my own inventory, but I have, and I cannot do anything except believe that what is happening is what is supposed to happen. I do not choose to beat myself up or sit around taking another's inventory. Moving on is all I can do. Obviously I care and feel hurt or I would not have bothered to blog about it, but I feel it is for the best. And, that person did not treat me with due respect I feel.
One of my old hobbies besides crocheting and sewing was scrapbook making. I made baby books for my children with our hospital bracelets and first haircut, milestones, etc.. Also, I put their achievements in them like the carnation and ribbon from the principle when David was on the high school swim team and Teddy's honoroll award.
Since then I have made some scrap books just for fun. All you need is a book, either with sleeves or just paper pages, stickers, icons, favorites photos, scrapbook paper to cut into any shapes you want or to back and frame photos and corner holders if you like. It is really free in terms of how you want to design it. There is usually a theme, wedding, special times with kids growing up, my mom's book coming out party, whatever you want to make a book about. It is like blogging, the subject is subjective. That was a pun. Ha ha.
So all you really need is a pen to label things and you are set to go. I did have wedding books, but I let my ex have them.
I am being just silly now.
Now that Memorial Day is over, Father's Day and then Independence Day are coming as well as Gemini and Cancer birthdays. I have some great ideas for warm whether entertaining and leisure.
In the warmer weather during southern living, there are many ways to stay cool and colorful in every way. It is time to grow refreshing garden herbs on the deck or windowsill, such as sage, parsley, chives and basil. Basil has a delicious smell and livens up salads and pasta, cool or hot. Olive oil is a good healthy replacement for butter.
It is a good time for petunias and geraniums, because they like the bright sun and heat, although they do like wet feet.
Iced tea, herbal or plain black with sugar, sugar substitute and lemon left in a jar in the sun makes sun tea, great on ice with fresh mint, another great garden herb. Fresh mint either bought in produce or grown in your garden is a nice touch.
Pasta salads with olives and feta cheese are easy to make chilled and are very refreshing, great with chicken salad with grapes or baked chicken.
For the fourth of July, red, white and blue daisies make a nice table decor, and red, white and blue decorations for your door. Of course you can also fly your American flag.
As long as you use sunscreen, hats and bug repellent and do not overdo it, it is great to be outdoors, especially after three o'clock in the afternoon, when the sun is not so bright. Since the days are longer the evenings can be enjoyed outside under a canopy or beach umbrella over the picnic table. Just do not let the food get in the sun, a good breeding ground for bacteria.
So get on your swimsuits and sarongs, sunglasses and summer wear. Get out the ice chest, fill them with ice and line with sodas, beer and wine. Have a wonderful late Spring and Summer.
Everyone changes. Yes it is true. I have often wondered what it would be like to be a man, and I see why women can feel less liberated, let alone the workplace, equal pay, politics, etc.. It seems like men might feel less self-conscious about being loners, drinking too much, being frustrated artists, being insane (just kidding). It seems all this becomes them. At least in the movies it does, but women are stuck in this thing of having to be feminine and ladylike, and all that seems butch on us. I have behaved in all those ways, but never mind.
When our lives change, we change. When I was married with two small children, I dressed and wore my hair very neat and smooth and tied down and went to soccer games and cub scout meeting, sang in a talent show at the elementary school, had birthday parties with balloons or chucky cheese for my kids and had cookouts with my husband and company with cocktails.
My brother remembers coming to a yard sale at my house after I was single. I guess I was selling everything, unable to pay the mortgage on my own with the kids or at least David. We had split custody. He had Teddy, the older one and I had David the baby. Then of course he ended up with both for a little while and then I ended up with both of them for the rest of their growing up years.
Anyway, my brother, Chris, said I looked different. My hair was really wild and I was wearing lace up work style army boots. I am not sure what that was about.
And really the rest is history. In 2001 I changed my name to 'Sage' because the Cherokee Native Americans used sage sticks to smudge out bad vibes and evil spirits. Then about two years ago I went back to my birth name Leslie, although some people still call me Sage, like a nickname.
I think when our lives change we change. Perhaps the boots I was wearing represented some sort of protest, and the wild hair as well.
Who knows, but how could I stay the same when I could not really hold my life together.
I have regrets. The marriage I could not do anything about, but I dream about that house and have wanted it back so desperately. I missed my kids the times they were with him. I wish I could have been a different kind of person, one that made every right decision. I suppose that is a bit unrealistic though when you really think about it.
Perhaps it is time to forget the past, to surrender to what is and accept myself but that is easier said than done.
I hate getting rid of stuff, like when you know you have too many clothes. Recently I did though and a girlfriend stopped by just at the right time, because I needed help. I ended up pulling together four bags of clothing to give to Goodwill, which we did and got ten percent off coupons, with which we can go back and get more stuff we do not need, although I usually do not buy used clothing. I prefer new stuff, but once in a while I do.
I got rid of two little black dresses I have had for twenty years or less and were a bit tight since I still have one sleeveless and one long sleeve little black dress. I do not miss those or any memories of them. If I want memories, that is what photographs are for, but I rarely look at those due to my bad eyesight.
I gave my friend a couple of things. She gave me one of her giveaways and she helped me look through the questionables. I only salvaged one flowy back flower print hippy dress with sita
on the label as in Sita Ram, the Hindu avatar and his wife.
So, anyway, I at the last minute grabbed some braceletts out of the bag at the drop off place. The only thing I regretted was one green cardigan, which I went back and asked about the next day because I thought I wanted it back for some reason.
Finding it would be like looking for a needle in a hay stack, but I tried. Oh well, no big deal.
I think I sweat the small stuff when it is really bigger stuff on my mind that I do not want to look at like a sick friend, taking care of my son, lack of a partner, finances, unstable friendships that turn sour and become disarrayed. And, last but not least, deteriorating eyesight.
All in all I am pleased with my getting rid of stuff. I think it went alright. Now on to life, more life on life's terms and doing the next right thing even if I have done twenty wrong things in the last two days. LOL
Today I went to do the food part of my coupon using, frugal shopping at the supermarket. I like to use the self checkout because I can keep better track and actually think it is fun. Weird huh?
However, if you do use coupons, it can get really frustrating, mostly for the guy working at the self-check area, because, being visually impaired, something kept being wrong, well not totally, but I would get the wrong size or flavor or quantity.
That man was so patient with me.
Although it was a bit frustrating, I managed to keep my equipoise as well.
Even after that, though, I feel I need more food. What is that? Is grocery shopping starting to interest me?
The game. If you can turn anything into a sort of game, like a video game or reality show, it can be more fun, one of my tricks of getting through the more mundane tasks.
I once went Black Friday shopping with my sister, you know the day after Thanksgiving, when if you are a 'normal' American you go shopping for the special day after Thanksgiving sales, mostly for Christmas presents I believe, since Christmas comes so soon after Thanksgiving or Hanukkah if you happen to be Jewish.
I was buying a lot, getting Christmas presents as well as new sheets and new boots for myself. I told my sister it was a shopping reality show and that I was winning. I was playing a pretend narrator to this pretend, reality show... hmmm, there is a paradox, pretend reality show, like pretend pretend, very rhetorical and redundant. I was saying my sister was way behind but that Leslie was winning by a long shot.
If you saw Hunger Games, which I had the good fortune to recently, you can see how creepy reality shows could be. I thought it was a good movie making a lot of statements about society and the possible downfall of the future at the rate it is going, but hopefully not.
So, I feel pretty happy with my shopping experience all in all today. Happy Spring everybody.
I have only had general anesthesia once in my whole life. It was the only time I had surgery in my life that was not just localized, like a finger or a tooth. In 2002 I had a D&C
