Wednesday, June 27, 2012

How to Make a Matching Skirt and Halter

      To make a matching skirt and halter top, go to Walmart where they have the best choices of fabric and trim which is optional.  Look for a fabric with a slightly stretchy quality, for example part spandex or lycra.  
      If you own a sewing machine it is really easy.  Using your own body to measure, rap the material around you to size the skirt.  Pin where measurements fit and sew, cutting the overlapping material.  Then do the same to make a form fitting halter which is sewn around the waste and neck, exposing the back which is very sexy.   Later, I am going to make a video of the outfit and show a picture of me modeling it as well from one of my famous scrapbooks. 

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Too Much Clothing

     Like most people I have too many clothes, but believe it or not I have gone through and gotten rid of a lot to Goodwill.  My friend stopped by and helped me and we drove over after grabbing dinner and I shed myself of at least three or four big trash bags full of my own clothing.
     During times when I was flat broke I have had almost no clothes, but things have been a little better, and not having transportation, you can buy clothes with the click of a button online or anything else for that matter.  
     It is kind of neat, but even if you are very frugal the prices are so low, it is hard to resist.  I take an inventory in my mind, "do I have a brown sweater, a green shirt?..." and try not to be redundant.  I tried to get rid of more stuff, nice stuff that I bought in the mall when I was living at the commission in Columbia.  The black dress pants are nice, but a bit tight on the waste, although low wasted, but then I realize they are my only black dress pants besides black jeans and long black flowing pants and one pair of black silk pants given to me by a friend.
     I do not want to be redundant with things.
Then I thought I would rid myself of these yellow workout pants and hooded matching sweater, but they are just kind of unique and what if I ever start teaching yoga?, and it just goes on.
     At one time, my kids actually shared a sock drawer, yes communal boys socks in the top drawer of my dresser.  Weird, I know, but it just worked out that way.  We had nothing then.  It may have been because we had all taken turns having that bedroom which was our best room in our old house where we lived before we moved here.
     Then when David was a freshman in high school, I was able to buy him some jeans and Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Grateful Dead shirts, because I had more money.
     When I first was dating Alan, my ex-boyfriend, he was still in the awestruck phase.  You know, before familiarity started breading contempt or maybe before I actively campaigned for Obama and he liked Palin, so we fought all the time.  He was Scottish and can't vote anyhow.  God love him.
      He would say, "oh I love your clothes.  They are all so European."  And, I remember sitting on my bed in my room and him saying "oh, I love your hatboxes.  They are so beautiful, and remind me of something I can't even remember," and stuff like that.     
     Then this doctor who I only socialized with briefly said, "what's in all the hatboxes?" when I was giving him a tour of my place.  I said "socks, scarves, stuff like that," overflow I am really thinking, and he is obviously critical somehow, so I think perhaps I should have said, "body parts" or something sarcastic and crude.  
     Now I think if I could get rid of a lot of stuff I might feel better, but then I might miss stuff, but then of course I would get over it.  I miss the old days in the sixties and seventies when I was just a kid and we had very few clothes, and shopping was a very seldom event and more special.  By the way I am by no means a hoarder.  I part with stuff all the time.  There just seems to always be more where that came from, but I guess I keep what I like and get rid of the rest.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Practices of Highly Effective People


Practices of the most highly effective individuals are 1. organization, 2. self-discipline, 3. ability to be independent, 4. free thinking, 5. having a purpose or intent, 6. a time frame in which to accomplish a task, 7. a mentor of some kind, famous, not famous, living or dead, but someone you admire, 8. strong sense of who you are, self-actualization, 9. ability to overcome fears, 10. having priorities, 11. ability to take chances, and 12. the ability to look beyond the opinions of others.
     This is all my personal opinion.  I myself find it difficult to get out of my comfort zone, and yet what is my comfort zone may have at one time been out of my comfort zone.  
     In my last article which I decided not to share, I said that I would like to be more of a free spirit.  Truthfully in some ways I am, but I would like to run through a field and blow bubbles, go dancing, go kayaking.  I don't know, just something different.  
     I wrote this list because I think it makes sense.  I tend to be highly organized, and being a Virgo all the more.  I plan ahead what I am going to wear.  I suppose most people do, unless they are extremely spontaneous, and truthfully I do not always plan what I am going to wear or I do plan, but then end up changing anyway.  I realize Jesus said not to worry what you wear in the Sermon on the Mount, but I think he meant it in a different context.  
     When you are legally blind you have to be pretty organized and keep things in some sort of system.  Like if you have a lot of socks in a similar hue it is hard to tell them apart so they have these nifty little things called sock sorters, and if you cannot see the numbers on your stove they have this nifty stuff which is neon orange and can be put right on appliances and dries into a bright neon orange mark that one can easily see and if not feel.
     Cooking has become more enjoyable to me.  I am really into the fresh garlic.  I really like to cook vegetables with it in a pan, sort of shallow frying in oil, a little olive oil, saute
I suppose.
      We stocked up on groceries today.  I hate plastic bags.  I mean a few are useful, but I use my own grocery bag and carry the big things like milk, juice and laundry detergent loose, to avoid more bags.
     It is a good feeling too to have your bills payed, I mean by yourself, not to have them...  oh never mind...  You know what I mean.  
     I cleared my talking books and computer and charger and all out of the living room because I have both my kids here.  I tend to camp out in the living room with my talking books, and then my kids just have to listen to them too, while I lie on my trifold futon I love so much.
     Like I have said before my blog is like Seinfeld, the TV show, about nothing sometimes.  Oh well, but I am serious about those practices I pointed out in the first paragraph.  I do believe those to be good practices.  I really do.
     Right now I am not going to work on any project except getting my physical health better.  That is my goal right now, and nothing else.  One thing at a time, step by step, day by day.

I Wish

     Although I am OK with who I am, I think it might
be awesome to be a major free spirit.  Some people think
I am already one, but what I mean is like someone who blows bubbles, runs through fields, swims often in the ocean
and wears hot pink lipstick.  I don't know.
     I am just so organized.  I plan out what I am going to
wear.  I file everything.  I am super neat and organized.
I guess it may be a Virgo thing, but it may be the fact
that I am visually impaired and have to know where stuff is.
     I have the right amount of stuff when it comes to dishes, cooking supplies, furniture, etc., but sometimes I think if I
had less clothes it would be simpler.  Why do I have so
many clothes, I wonder?  Since we have a small home, I have to keep
them all in my room which is small too, so between
clothes and everything else, books, journals, lotions
and creams, it gets a bit cluttered.  I wish I could
do the feng shuei thing.  That would be excellent.
     I would like to have a big living room with a white
sofa, like Sufis have and just a few pillows and a
plant.  Then I would like to have a big open room with
a large bed with a chaise lounge at the foot of it.
     The living room would have a huge window looking
out at trees.  Then there would be a screened in
porch with a hammock and plants, flowering plants
like hibiscus, geraniums, african violets and petunias.
     Oh, and the bathroom would have a jacuzzi.  It would
also have a dressing room with an antique mirror, and a walk
in closet, but no clutter, just clarity and brightness.  It would be
neat if you could have a window in the bathroom as well, and
I think black and white tiles would be classy.
     Then it would be nice to vacation at a cabin on a lake in the
middle of nowhere except one little convenience store not too
far away.  The cabin would have a fire place and in the morning
you could sip your coffee and orange juice outside looking at
the lake and go for a swim.
     That would be my idea of a fabulous existence.  But, I am
content enough with life as it is.  I am just dreaming.  It is OK
sometimes to dream about how things could be, maybe not now possible, but it does not hurt to dream as long as you appreciate what you have and do not get carried away.  As long as you stay in touch with reality, it is OK.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Insert to Chapter 14 Rainy Night House

"Upon your small white bed, I fell into a dream, you stayed up all night long and watched me, to see who in the world I might be..."    
         Joni Mitchell


     Bethany closed her phone, put it aside and smiled at Daniel, reaching to push his straight brown hair back that fell against his hazel eyes as he leaned over her on one elbow wearing a tee shirt and pajama pants.
     "I love this house.  This room is amazing.  They actually have a pink toilet.  Never saw one of those before.  Except in movies and this bed with all this white and white drapes and all.  It's beautiful."
     "Would you believe we didn't come here for years, not since I was like fourteen and Nick was nine?  That was the time we went hunting with Grandpa Jack.  I thought it was awesome, but Nick was scared of the guns and we had to go home.  He has autism you know.  I kept calling him a woos all the way home.  Feel kind of bad about that.  Then that night we got into the liquor cabinet and passed out.  I was a bad influence and a mean brother."
     "You are not a mean brother.  You were just a kid, Daniel.  Why didn't you guys come here with your mother all those years?"
     "Well, we did come last year for the first time since then.  I hate to admit it, but I think Mom realized she better be friends with her parents if she wanted me to go to a good college as bad as that may sound, but also I think Mom got more mature after she stopped drinking, and well I think she didn't think the things she thought were a big deal before really were.  Ya know?"
     "I wonder", she said looking wistfully then, "if I was wrong to leave my mother during Thanksgiving, with her being upset about Dad and the divorce and his new affair and well, my sister is with her, so I guess it's alright."
     "I'm just glad you're here."  He pushed her hair behind her ear.
     "I smell coffee.  I need some."
     "Want me to bring you a cup of coffee in bed.  I'll get it.  Bring me my coffee now dammit, I mean now, right now," Daniel mimicked making Bethany laugh.
     Just then Daniel's mother, Lizzy peaked her head in the door which was ajar...
  

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Addendum to My Previous Article about Friendship

     This is an addendum to my article about friendships dissolving into the the quantum physical nothingness from which they came.
Just kidding.  No, I really thought about it today with deep contemplation and seriousness.  Well, I thought of another thing to do with friendship.
     If you apologize to someone, and they will not or cannot forgive you, assuming you did anything wrong, unless you completely destroyed their life, ex:  stole their husband, their money or kidnapped their child like in a lifetime movie, then they really do not like, love or care about you.  
     Another thing is if they never apologize to you for anything because they are self-righteous, then they do not care for you or for that matter may not even be a good person.  What is a good person?  I felt my reader asking that.  I do not know.  Just someone who does not spike people's drinks.  OK, I am sorry I am having trouble writing this with a straight face.  I am laughing too hard.  My brother and I have these long conversations about everything on the telephone.  We live two-thousand miles apart.  We discuss everything, and our conversations, and I am laughing because one reason he says I am a good person is that I would never spike someone's drink.  That reminded me of the Lifetime movies where someone is always spiking someone's drink or plotting against someone.  Geesh!
     I told him about how I went to a bar for a drink with a girlfriend, and these guys wanted to give us a drink that had been sitting around I think.  Of course I said "no we can't have that", and the bartender tossed it as fast as she could and he was like, "oh man, she wasted a perfectly good drink."
     What a time when you cannot even leave your drink unattended because people have evil in mind sometimes.  
     So, back to the friends thing, I mean, I think if someone is your friend for real it would be like family, unconditional love.  That is how it is with my family.  I mean do not get me wrong.  We have problems and we are no Clevers or anything like that, but my family has unconditional love and always has.
     So, in all seriousness, I really think these principles define friendship.  I mean if you say "I'm sorry", and the other person can never admit to any shortcoming in anyway, forget it.  You did everything you could because you were not even asking them for an apology for their side, just an acceptance of yours.  Egos are strange creatures.  The Course in Miracles says that we are minds and not bodies or egos, and I will take it even a step farther and say that we are not even minds, but souls.  But, the term mind really does not refer to your thinking and all that, but to a collective mind or consciousness, synonymous with the soul.  At least that is my  interpretation.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Female Problems and Solutions; The Trauma of Surgery

     I have only had general anesthesia once in my whole life.  It was the only time I had surgery in my life that was not just localized, like a finger or a tooth.  In 2002 I had a D&C
dilation and curettage for uterine fibroid tumors, benign tumors of the uterus which can cause problems from chronic pelvic pain, heavy bleeding and cramping to complications during pregnancy, infertility to hemorrhages.  
     They caused problems during my pregnancy with my second child, and I was only twenty-seven years old, young to have fibroids to some degree.  I ended up in the hospital at five months pregnant with signs of premature labor, but it somehow stopped and I was able to make it to only three weeks before term, which enabled my son to be born on Father's Day rather than the third of July when he was due.  
     They are slightly more common in black women.  My sister had them as well and had them removed.  My medical coverage did not cover that option, so after my sister gave me the book, No More Hysterectomies, by Vicki Hufnagel, M.D. who actually ended up practicing in Mexico after losing her license to practice in The States due to her radical views.  
     Her cause or passion was influencing women with female problems like fibroids and endometriosis to try anything to save their uterus while mostly male doctors were constantly saying, "you need a hysterectomy."
I know women who have been very glad they had one, but there are reasons why some of us actively wanted to avoid one.
     Without going into a case history and my choices which enabled me to keep my uterus without any more surgery than the one D%C, I will go back to the topic.  I fell asleep under the general anesthesia very pleasantly with a feeling of well being, and awoke in a great deal of pain.  In the recovery room, they kept asking me from one to ten the rate of pain, and I kept saying eight, because that was how bad it was.  Well I survived obviously.
     The weird thing is when you wake up, it is as if no time passed.  It is said that there is a drug included in anesthesia which causes amnesia because surgery of any kind is quite traumatic.  
     When I saw the story about anesthesia awareness it horrified me, and made me think.  That experience of thinking you died and went to hell I experienced once on a bad marajuana experience.  I never did drugs, but I smoked a few times and once had such a bad experience I felt like I was dying...
     Basically life and death are a bit scary.  For moments I think I have all the answers and then I do not.
     I will say that for women suffering from fibroids and endometriosis, I know how hard the chronic pain is.  It is really hard, having been through it.  You at one point want to say take this organ out and stop the pain, and I would not blame anyone for making that choice.  I was just really determined, so I chose a very radical treatment called the lupron depot suspension injection, but after one shot I quit because of all the unpleasant side effects.  Also, I began to hemorrhage and that was enough reason to quit, but I got through it and am thriving.
     I want to add more, because I did not really tell the complete story, rather left it a bit obtuse.  After my son was born, since I never got pregnant again, for the next twelve years the fibroids did not bother me much.  It was not until I was around forty that the doctor started ordering ultrasounds, etc., because he found that my fibroids were definitely there from my exams.  I was having heavy periods and cramps.  
     That was when he suggested the D&C, which really did not help much.  I suggested removing the fibroids without removing my uterus, which was what my sister went all the way to Philadelphia to do.  My insurance at the time only covered my state.  He said that all that would be left was "swiss cheese".  Gross, I know.  I called one of these women's activist groups.  I mean activist in terms of women's health issues.  She said she would rather have swiss cheese than nothing, but that really was not an option for me logistically. 
     By the time I was about forty-two I was in pain most of the time and taking strong pain killers prescribed.  The pain even extended down the front of my legs sometimes, a strong pressure type of pain.  I was very skinny then, and the doctor who I liked by the way, said it would be so easy to operate on me because I was so skinny.  Still, I kept objecting to the hysterectomy.  Even when I had my D&C before hand I asked him to sign in writing that he would not just do a hysterectomy while I was under, and that if the off chance that something was terribly wrong and he had to, not to take my cervix.  He signed all of that, saying that if there was some massive hemorrhage, he would have to and that sometimes the cervix might just come with it unavoidably.  Well, I said OK, but nothing of the kind happened anyway.
     Well back to age forty-two, skinny and in constant pain all the time.  He finally said, "there is one option, the lupron depot suspension injection."  I said I would think about it and research it. 
     I could not make up my mind.  Then my mother started insisting I get it.  We went to the doctor's office, and I was feeling panicky and could not go through with it.  My mother said she would give me a thousand dollars if I got this shot, but I was still really confused.  Then I just flat out refused.  We left the doctor's office, and my mother was really mad.
     But, shortly after I went back on my own and got the shot, but like I said I could not continue after the first which was supposed to be series of shots for about six months.  The profuse endless bleeding, which premarin was used to stop, estrogen from the urine of pregnant horses, as in mare.  
     Well, believe it or not, the pain stopped and I had very little problems with the fibroids.  I believe they did shrink, and because I did not continue, my ovaries remained healthy and vital.  In fact I kind of hoped I could have another child, but that did not happen, and considering how poor I am and the blindness, it would have been hard, unless I had a spouse I suppose.
     My sister wrote her story about fibroids which I read years ago, and her myomectomy, so I wanted to share mine.  I could go on all day about female problems and doctors, and painful endometrial biopsies, but I will not today.  I hope you enjoyed this article.  This all happened several years ago, so there may be new treatments now.  I do not know, and I am sure there are other cures on the horizon.
For women with problems, there are women's health activist groups, which could be found on line I would assume.  I tried to look one up in the book, No More Hysterecomies, but I could not read the small print.  I am sorry about that.















Friday, June 8, 2012

When You Lose a Friend

     Most people have lost a friend for one reason or another at one time or another.  I am writing to say it may seem like a terrible thing now, but it is not, and I will tell the reasons I believe this to be so.
     Usually when a friendship dissolves, it is truly mutual, because if you do not like this person anymore, chances are high they are sending signals that they do not like or care much about you, or in my case because I do not drive, they may feel that I am too high maintenance.  The truth is that I have had a friend who I could not really afford to hang out with, because of their expensive taste in restaurants and so forth, but was too proud to say, "can we go some place cheaper."  This was especially so if I had to give them gas money, because I live on a fixed income.  I have enough to live on, but not for a lot of luxury.
     Another toxin that can cause disaster is a friend's jealousy.  People can be jealous over the most ridiculous reason.  They can be jealous that you are single even if you have to take care of yourself.  They can be jealous if you have healthcare even if you are highly disabled.  They can be jealous of your life, anything, stupid things.  One sign of this is if you notice someone copying you, like certain clothing you have.  The friend that I lost, not on fb but in real life, friended all my ex's on fb, and my friends they never met, which I think is creepy and strange.
     Mainly, I think that people grow apart.  And, if that happens and you make a mistake and apologize, clean up your side of the street and they still treat you with disdain, then it was not meant to be, and you did all you can. When I say you, I really mean me.  I recently went through a similar experience to this, and it only bothers me if that person is anywhere I am.  Since I am blind I do not have to see that person if they are slightly out of my straight ahead vision which is blurry anyhow, especially since I have to wear dark glasses in a brightly lit room, because my eyes are light sensitive.  
     I am not saying that I am without fault or failing to take my own inventory, but I have, and I cannot do anything except believe that what is happening is what is supposed to happen.  I do not choose to beat myself up or sit around taking another's inventory.  Moving on is all I can do.  Obviously I care and feel hurt or I would not have bothered to blog about it, but I feel it is for the best.  And, that person did not treat me with due respect I feel.