Sunday, April 22, 2012

Getting Rid of Too Much Stuff

     I hate getting rid of stuff, like when you know you have too many clothes.  Recently I did though and a girlfriend stopped by just at the right time, because I needed help.  I ended up pulling together four bags of clothing to give to Goodwill, which we did and got ten percent off coupons, with which we can go back and get more stuff we do not need, although I usually do not buy used clothing.  I prefer new stuff, but once in a while I do.
     I got rid of two little black dresses I have had for twenty years or less and were a bit tight since I still have one sleeveless and one long sleeve little black dress.  I do not miss those or any memories of them.  If I want memories, that is what photographs are for, but I rarely look at those due to my bad eyesight.  
     I gave my friend a couple of things.  She gave me one of her giveaways and she helped me look through the questionables.  I only salvaged one flowy back flower print hippy dress with sita
on the label as in Sita Ram, the Hindu avatar and his wife.
     So, anyway, I at the last minute grabbed some braceletts out of the bag at the drop off place.  The only thing I regretted was one green cardigan, which I went back and asked about the next day because I thought I wanted it back for some reason.
Finding it would be like looking for a needle in a hay stack, but I tried.  Oh well, no big deal.  
     I think I sweat the small stuff when it is really bigger stuff on my mind that I do not want to look at like a sick friend, taking care of my son, lack of a partner, finances, unstable friendships that turn sour and become disarrayed.  And, last but not least, deteriorating eyesight.
     All in all I am pleased with my getting rid of stuff.  I think it went alright.  Now on to life, more life on life's terms and doing the next right thing even if I have done twenty wrong things in the last two days.  LOL
     

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

More on Shopping and Reality Shows.

     Today I went to do the food part of my coupon using, frugal shopping at the supermarket.  I like to use the self checkout because I can keep better track and actually think it is fun.  Weird huh?  
     However, if you do use coupons, it can get really frustrating, mostly for the guy working at the self-check area, because, being visually impaired, something kept being wrong, well not totally, but I would get the wrong size or flavor or quantity.
That man was so patient with me.
Although it was a bit frustrating, I managed to keep my equipoise as well.  
     Even after that, though, I feel I need more food.  What is that?  Is grocery shopping starting to interest me?  
     The game.  If you can turn anything into a sort of game, like a video game or reality show, it can be more fun, one of my tricks of getting through the more mundane tasks.
    I once went Black Friday shopping with my sister, you know the day after Thanksgiving, when if you are a 'normal' American you go shopping for the special day after Thanksgiving sales, mostly for Christmas presents I believe, since Christmas comes so soon after Thanksgiving or Hanukkah if you happen to be Jewish.
     I was buying a lot, getting Christmas presents as well as new sheets and new boots for myself.  I told my sister it was a shopping reality show and that I was winning.  I was playing a pretend narrator to this pretend, reality show... hmmm, there is a paradox, pretend reality show, like pretend pretend, very rhetorical and redundant.  I was saying my sister was way behind but that Leslie was winning by a long shot.
     If you saw Hunger Games, which I had the good fortune to recently, you can see how creepy reality shows could be.  I thought it was a good movie making a lot of statements about society and the possible downfall of the future at the rate it is going, but hopefully not.  
     So, I feel pretty happy with my shopping experience all in all today.  Happy Spring everybody.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Dealing With Stuff

     When I am in what the Course in Miracles calls right mindedness, I pause and decide the best action or non-action or the action that would most likely prevent a wrong action which anyone is capable of.
     Usually I practice this in my daily affairs, but not always because I am human, have character defects and short- comings, perhaps even failings at times.
     At these times I pull myself up by my boot strings and I keep on trucking or trudging perhaps more accurately.  
     A friend called me recently, for although I do not ask for advice anymore, or rarely, I still give it.  If I had someone to advise me or felt that neediness was not a flaw, maybe I would reach out, but I have been programmed through behavioral modification not to do that.  I had a councilor once who only allowed me to call once a week.  If I called more, he said you only get one call a week.  This is behavioral modification, where you do not encourage dependency, a type of conditioning.  So, at this point I take my problems to God, and if I listen He will guide me and if I do not listen, my ego will guide me to ruin, humiliation and disaster, which of course I can come back from and again pull back on those boot strings.  This was what I told my friend to do, to pull herself back up and keep going.
     Anger and resentment are number one offenders.  Sometimes they build and erupt like a volcano if not addressed in some way, and this is not good.  The thing is sometimes, there is not a way to gracefully express myself, because I hold in the pain so long that it bursts like a damn.
     I realize this is not a good thing.  Have you ever felt like you were less than or treated that way or people had double standards in the way they treated you, just because perhaps they did not feel that your feelings were vulnerable?  Just as an example, I used to tell my ex, "you think I am made of steel."  I suppose what I was saying was that I felt like he thought I was unbreakable, and I did not want to be that strong.  I wanted to be nurtured and cherished.
     But, of course like the song by The Rolling Stones, You Can't Always Get What You Want and sometimes you have to be OK with what is.  Look at a body of water, a landscape and let go of fear, tension, heartache, anger and gradually find inner peace in a state of now.  Shanti.

Monday, April 16, 2012

The Psychology of Trying to Be Frugal

     My grandmother, who lived in one of the first condominiums built in Myrtle Beach used to say to me, "I'm very frugal."  In fact that is who I learned the word from.  I did not know it but Grandma was not too bad off, but after she died my dad made some bad investments and as they say lost his shirt, got ripped off more than once, etc. and died in poverty.  Now poverty is sort of a legacy which I hope may one day be broken.
     Have you ever had coupons for stuff you never used, do not need, perhaps do not know what the heck it even is?  Well, I am being a bit extreme, but the psychology is: use these coupons and save money.  You may end up needing these things.  Well I shop with coupons and specials and sales galore, but it can actually be fun if the coupon gives you any leeway, because you may have the option of choosing brands, non specified, which you may think are good quality and perhaps a good price, so all in all I think it could work out to everyone's benefit.  I mean, who wants to run out of toilet paper, paper towels, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, cleaning products, pet food or laundry detergent.  That is why it is good to have backup. 
     When I was a young mother with a baby and first grader, my mother would come by and look around.  My husband would usually be working out of town which was hard for me.  He was actually doing construction at an army base.  I actually took the kids to visit him there for a whole week.  We stayed at a motel, but I got to see the base.
     I felt like an army wife, no actually the thought never even occurred to me.  They did not have the show yet, nor the Iraq war, although Desert Storm was coming I think.
    Anyway, my mother would say "you have plenty of laundry detergent", or "you have too much toilet paper."  She might also say, "you need more food," so I would go shopping.
     Life is easy now in comparison.  Sometimes I have wondered how many times in a life time the average person goes to the market, the pharmacy, etc..
     In today's economy, most people have to stretch a dollar and I think Grandma was a good influence, my mother too.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Nostalgia

     Sometimes when you look back, some of the worst times seem good.  What is that?  I think I know.  It is not all of them or the worst of them, just some.  It is definitely not drama, but the feeling that "hey I'm alive.  I'm really alive."
     Also, I think that part of it is that you or I may realize in our reverie that we were a better person or may have handled things better than one may have thought.
     Recently a friend commented how good I was with my boys when I stayed with them at his place to evade a hurricane in our home town.  I was amazed.  He said I was very calm even though one of my boys was acting up and my ex was calling and calling trying to get me to put my younger boy on a plane to his wedding in the middle of a hurricane.  I said no, so finally our host turned off his phone.  I was not being nasty.  We were in a difficult spot and that was asking too much.  We were in the midst of an evacuation.
     I can think of other times like when David got over whooping cough and being in the hospital.  He refused to take his jeans or shoes off even in a hospital bed, so Ted and I went to Walmart to get him some goofy pajama bottoms, but David has never even put those on.  They ended up Ted's.
     I could go on and on, but you know what I mean.  I guess I miss my kids.  They are grown now.  I need to let go and move on with my life I guess.  
     I think you have to get out there and make stuff happen.  I just have to figure out how, but I'm a survivor.  I will.
     The picture I added is a good memory.  The dhuni at the beach.    I'm playing the guitar, my legs are freezing because it is winter and Ted is around somewhere.  I cannot see a thing, because RP makes your rods and cones not work right in the dark.  Still I felt like teenagers and I could surely see the fire.  Thanks to Nancy for the photos.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Guide to Staying Happy and Healthy

     Today the lovely, talented singer Jewel was on TV telling tips on health and happiness.  Good stuff.
     Here are a few of mine.  (1) Try to avoid drama if you can, unless it is within your own family or really close personal friends which is sort of unavoidable in some cases because we have to take care of our own to some extent, especially kids and parents.  (2)
Say no when something is impossible, inappropriate or you just do not feel comfortable about it, respecting your own boundaries.  However, once in a while, say yes, because you may find yourself pushing people away and missing some good times in your life.  (3) Be careful and cautious, but still take chances.  I think sky diving may be a better choice than ECT.  (4) Get at least forty-five minutes of exercise per day including yoga for relaxation muscle tone and spirituality.  (5) Take B vitamins for healthy hair, skin, nails and nervous system, omega fatty acids for heart health, A for eyes and calcium, magnesium and zinc for bones and circulation as well as weight management.  (6) Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, and whether or not a vegetarian enough protein from tofu, beans, nuts, etc..  I eat meat, but not much red meat, just once in a while.  (7) Do not worry about what people think of you.  First of all it is pointless, because you can only be true to yourself and secondly if you dwell on others thoughts, you are renting space in your head and they do not care much about you anyhow, because they are focused on themselves.  (8) Do things you enjoy if you have time, like drawing, painting, singing, writing.  (9) Watch and read what you like not worrying about whether it is intellectual enough etc., and if you hang out with someone insist on watching what you want or reading what you want, etc. sometimes, certainly not always, but sometimes.  Relationships are hard, so I am not even going to go there, although love is a beautiful thing and togetherness is great in harmony.  
     Lastly, and I will not number this, love yourself.  A guy once said to me when I was feeling abandoned, my father had recently died and I had not gotten my kids back yet from their dad, "you have yourself." 
      At the time I was thirty-six years old and I thought, "what on earth is that supposed to mean?  What good is having myself?"  Well today and for some time now, I know what he meant.  It does mean something.  I found me.  I learned to love myself, a huge milestone for me, which I only came to after years and years of drama and suffering, and I mean major suffering.  The mental suffering was so bad I sometimes had to disengage from my own self, seeing myself as she rather than I.  I realize this must sound crazy, but I was never crazy.  I was just in a lot of pain then.  
     Another helpful, very helpful thing is meditation, mantras and pausing, breathing, slowing down.  The Course in Miracles has really helped to enlighten me.  The more enlightened I become, the happier I am, because I know this is all illusion and all that is is God, love, the Holy Spirit thought system, and my ego holds me back from this unity, although I am a long way from losing my ego of course.
     I have bad days and feel sad, scared, anxious and confused like most people.  I am not high and mighty.  I just have found some skills to deal with life on life's terms.  Much love.  Namaste.

The Small Stuff

     The other day after going to Starbucks with my sister and niece, we stopped at Big Lots.  I wanted to buy new pillows for the futon for overnight guests and my kids and me as well.
     I got two thick luxurious pillows and two light green luxurious pillow cases.  I looked at some satin ones which I thought were brown but my sister said were purple, I have trouble telling purple and brown.  I already had light purple satin pillow cases, but nonetheless I had my niece feel both to tell which one she thought she would rather put her face on.  She chose the green microfiber.  
     Last night I slept with them, but because I was used to my usual feather pillow on top of an old worn out pillow, I had weird dreams on the new pillows, so I put them back on the futon and slept with my old pillows.  I guess it takes getting used to.  Having luxurious pillows I mean.  They were really cheap though and so were the pillow cases, not in quality just price.  It reminded me of my mother's house, because she always has new bedding stuff.  So much for pillows.  This blog 'Sage Words' is like the show 'Seinfeld', about nothing.  LOL.  Actually, I find the little things interesting, the small pleasures in life that one can have gratitude for.     

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Healing the Heart Chakra

     Healing the heart chakra from all the suffering in one's life is of course not an immediate process.
As Deepak Chopra says "issues are in the tissues".  
     If you take both hands and cover the center of your chest, this will give Reiki energy.  Close your eyes in lotus position or even lying down and just hold the heart with fingers together.  Imagine the color green, any shade that comes to mind.
     Imagine threads coming undone and just being pulled out of your heart along with all the muck (all the negativity from past experience and brokenness) inside it.  Rose quartz crystal is very healing to the heart chakra as well as nag champa oil or incense, oil if you are like me and have eye problems when incense burns.
      Doing a supported fish by lying with your back across a pillow is helpful to the heart chakra or doing one supported by your forearms and elbows with legs either straight out, feet together or crossed or most difficult but most classically with the legs bent under, sitting on your heals.  This is a little more advanced and takes some warming up.
      In order to see if the heart chakra is open, have someone or yourself if it is not too hard swing a pendulum which can be obtained at any eastern mystical type store over the heart.  If it stagnates and does not move, it is closed, but if it swings vigorously, then it means that the heart is open.
     If you keep doing the heart meditation in the presence of a green candle, you can really begin to heal.  Namaste

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Everything on My Mind/ Stream of Consciousness

     I am realizing that I need to be on the computer less, because my depth perception is getting way worse.  I find it is hard to stay off the computer, even though I should.  I guess I could write by recording into a computer or get an old fashioned type writer and have someone read it back to me, because print is too hard with tunnel vision, unless it is just a few words very close without glasses, because I am so nearsighted in my one eye that I have vision at all out of.
     I did not want to write a blog about my eye problem, or to whine.  I wanted to talk about organization skills.  I realize I need to do less blogging for my eyes' sake and more practicing music, even though I do not have many opportunities to perform.
      Oh yes, there is always listening to talking books which I am burned out on and listening to TV with my eyes closed.  Listening to music makes me sorrowful at times and often if it touches me makes me cry.
      Everyone has many things to do and take care of, like cleaning the house, taking care of pets, taking care of kids if you have them which mine are grown now, paying bills and organizing things from household supplies to  work.
     What I do, is plan the week ahead, make lists on legal paper with twenty twenty pens of phone calls to make, activities, classes, social events, errands and other things to be done.  I wonder why all this stresses me sometimes.  I mean, since I do not work so to speak it would seem that I could manage my time better and here I am writing a blog about organization.  I did plant a daffodil my friend Kathy gave me in the ground today, a minor accomplishment.  And I am getting the laundry done.  I wanted to bring the great garlic chicken I made to a friend who is sick but I could not reach him on the phone, so I ended up bringing him peppermint tea instead which I could always leave on a door knob, since it is not perishable.
     I guess I am in one of my nobody loves me, I'm useless kind of self deprecating kind of moods, because my kids do not need me like they used to.  I should be glad, but I guess I am co-dependent, since it actually means being dependent on someone's dependence literally, and I suppose it is a sort of withdrawal, withdrawing from being depended upon.  Weird.  
      I have been told I am too introspective.  Is that just another way of saying I think about my self too much or a nice way of saying self-seeking, selfish and self-centered?
     I think that when the Course in Miracles talks about judgment, it is talking a lot about self-judgment.  We all judge other people, but most people judge themselves most harshly and have times of feeling less than, not a part of, etc..  I believe that in eastern terminology, Hindu terminology, these are called malas.  When I was at the Commission for the Blind, I took a yoga class at City Yoga near the university.  My teacher (it was ashtanga) used to talk frequently about such things as well as the goddesses such as Shakti the beautiful kundalini goddess and Kali, the bleeding mouth goddess of the kaliuga as in the kaliuga age which is what we are in:  wars, murder, genocide, hate, greed and evil in general.  She said that all women are a combination of these goddesses.  No one is all beautiful, all graceful, all good.  Everyone is a mixture of good and bad, only hopefully most of us are ninety percent good.  I just came up with that ratio just now.
      Have a blessed day.  Namaste.